i had a friend that i thought i was close with!!!
i also have. issues with paranoia and assuming that everyone hates me/this obsession with everyone loving me. but i’ve been working on it! i saw somewhere about “just ask your friends” with the expectation that they’ll be. like. honest.
(i’m a lil drunk sorry for typos etc)
so like? 2 weeks ago i texted my friend “hey, are we still friends? i know i’ve been flakey etc, i was working through some stuff but i’d like to try to continue to be friends”
and she texted back like “yeah! i have adhd & have issues with Relatonship Degredation Mechanics so it’s like u never left, we can just pick up where we left off!” and i was like! wow awesome!
i was vunerable and was rewarded for it. we had a little heart to heart moment. that’s good. being honest about my feelings is good actually. in my brain, i saw us maybe meeting up more regularly now that i’m not wandering around aimlessly etc like! i don’t even live that far away from her anymore
except it turns out that now i do
beause i saw on her instagram that she. moved overseas and is GETTING MARRIED to a mutual friend of ours who moved overseas last year
and she didn’t tell me
i found it out through INSTAGRAM
so how can i trust anyone??? i thoght we were. friends. but apparently not!!! I EVEN ASKED instead of letting my lying brain lie to me!!!!
i was honest. i was vunerable. i thought we were friends.
now i just feel lost.
i still don’t know how to tell if people are friends or not. apparently even just ASKING isn’t enough!!! 🙁 (and yes, i did expect an honest answer, i would have absolutely understood something like “no we aren’t friends anymore because you kinda abandoned me for 3yrs” etc etc, i know that my Wandering Around off-grid messed up a lot of friendships but tha’ts why i TRIED TO ASK!!!
but even asking didn’t work.
i’m just always gonna be alone i guess????
i feel. betrayed? but she’s not that kind of person so i guess i misunderstood something. i don’t know. why didn’t she TELL ME?