I feel like I’ve shed my people pleasing habits. I spent a few years totally displaced and feeling vulnerable, and allowed myself to become a doormat. I was never like this before and hope I never allow it to happen again.
I’ve processed a lot of anger and invested a lot of time back into my confidence. I feel I’ve changed, but it seems like the people around me still feel I’m “soft”. Not all of them abused my kindness, but I can tell they treat me “delicately” and I’m sick of it. I’m not sure how to convey the changes I’ve made. I’m not in conflict with anyone and nobody is infringing upon my boundaries, but I still don’t feel I’m being seen for the changes I’ve made. How can I start projecting this change in myself?
2 comments
Read Dale Carnegie…
First you need to consider is it worth to get recognition and respect from these people? it will cost a’lot, a’lot energy and will give very little result in long run. Cause these people get used to you as you are – doormat/soft, usable, its your position in your social group. Imagine every body accepted you acting- soft ,good, easy going etc… and now you decided enough i am different?! you cant demand other treat you differently in one night cause you made taught them long time to treat you how they treat you now. So now double that effort you need to change theyer attitude towards you. and as is it worth it? it doesnt matter these people are your friends or people just know you, every body will treat you by their understanding and their intelligence- you will be surprised and disappointed that for some people its useful that you are a doormat and p.pleaser. and thats why they are with you!.
Its easier to change environment and people then try to “ride on a dead horse”.
But if you cant, or don’t want to change your circle you need to stay with your new boundaries and limits!!! and its theyer job to except you as a new “person”, in long time. They need to adapt you again – new person with new limits! and i assure you they will show you true colors how they like you – new you and how they are inconvenient about you, but you must stay true to your self. Don’t worry about them. Cause your mental health and emotional state were suffering to please them. And now you reflecting on that- not every body can do that!!!
You need to say NO when its NO for you, you need to say – i am not push over or dormant for you, i am not a “support center” to call me when you need me on your time, i am not “cry shoulder” for your constant problems and not visible my self when i need something, don’t plan my time for me just because i do nothing- cause for me resting and do nothing is busy time also!!!!
What you asking is good start to assemble your “psychological spine” but it will be piece by piece in some time through life. some people start to see this in early age some people start to do that after 40 yers, and some never!
Continue not be the MENU for everybody to share for free. For every meal there is the price, and people who like the taste and can accept the price will stay in your restaurant and say to you thank you!