Both 31. We live together, my family adore him, we’ve been discussing a serious future together. The idea of marriage and kids are frequently discussed, and I couldn’t think of a better person to spend the rest of my life with. The issue is, in the bedroom. He doesn’t really ever want to touch me or pleasure me. He enjoys sex 1/week or fortnight or blow jobs quite frequently, but when it’s him pleasuring me, I feel he is maybe quite turned off by my body or there is something wrong with me, that he’s maybe to nervous to share with me. I guess I feel that my needs aren’t important to him. Once he finishes, intimacy is often over while he falls asleep. I can’t put it down to him being too ‘tired’ because if he is in the mood he will have sex or receive a blow job. We both often shy away from difficult conversations and I offer overthink situations so we try to often avoid conflict. I want us to explore sexually a lot more together, but I just am not sure what I’m doing wrong or if he is not interested in either my body or pleasuring me. With him not wanting to initiate pleasuring me, it makes me feel unwanted and no longer attractive to him, which extends to a lot of other areas in our life together. This isn’t a keeping tabs or score on who does what
though, it’s more of a concern for what I can be doing differently if it’s something about me and not being able to turn him on to want to initiate anything with me.
3 comments
Him withholding pleasure is a red flag. Even if this is the only problem now, it is something that can and WILL snowball into more.
I’d think very hard about staying with him.
And even assuming he is truly a good guy he just doesn’t like sex (which it doesn’t sound like seeing he is fine with you blowing him) such a difference in sexual preferences is a valid ground for breaking up. It’ll only get worse over time
Your guy may be after instant gratification, but it’s also possible that he never learned that foreplay is an essential part of sex for a woman– and enjoyable for a man.
*tichaz.com/2022/01/10/foreplay-done-right/*
Perhaps, too, he doesn’t even realize you aren’t fulfilled by your sack sessions. Tell him (when you two aren’t in the throes of passion) that even though he may be good to go before his pants hit the floor, you need him to take it slow. By taking the time to get you worked up — with a tantalizing mixture of kissing, licking, teasing and touching — not only will you get more out of the experience, but his orgasm can be intensified, too.
Hopefully, he’ll heed your advice, but if he still tries to go from 0-60, remind him to slow down. Say something like “I’m not quite ready yet. I love when you touch me here. Will you do that some more?” Then take his hand and place it where you want it. If you’re not comfortable being that direct, try a more playful approach and tell him that you want to play a game where his challenge is to get you as wet and aroused as possible. The rules: He has immediate access to every inch of your bod, but may use only his hands and mouth to touch you
*tichaz.com/2022/01/10/savage/*
Encourage him to linger at your favorite hot spots by being vocal when he’s rubbing you the right way. When you’re so aroused you can’t stand it anymore, give him the go-ahead to slip inside of you. Once he sees the results of his efforts (a horny-as-hell girlfriend), he probably won’t want to forgo foreplay in the future. But, if he doesn’t try to change him wham-bam ways after you clue him in to your carnal needs, be patient and try again.
Tbh I would tell him what you told us, word for word, just change “him” to “you” lol. Without having the difficult conversation, how are you going to know the core of the issue? Trust and openness is crucial in relationship. Especially if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.