I’ve always had a weird relationship with the bottom-top sub-dom intersectionality of sexual dynamics in gay sex.
I know most people call it power bottom but from what I hear a power bot is more of the dominant brat, my thing is more I’ll definitely submit to you but only if you want me to, other than that I want to take care of you.
My biggest physical manifestation of this kink is when I, a measly 5’6 asian, let my bf (like way taller than me given its not that hard to be taller than 5’6, 6′) sit on my lap and I tell him how much of a good boy he is and tell him how beautiful his hair is, how much I love that hes taller and stronger than me, that he could just lift me and pin me to the wall but he would never do that because he listens and loves me. Something about taking care and worshipping someone bigger than me and stronger than me but not in a submissive manner gets me so much
The reason I ask for advice as to if this is normal or not is because when my friends and I talk about me letting him sit on my lap they expect me to be the top when I’m exclusively a bottom, theyre very sexually open minded but at the same time close minded because their idea of top = dom bot = sub clearly exists. Is this normal? Should I not breach this topic with my friends?
2 comments
Some of the most open minded people can have serious ridgedness (is that a word?) for some things!
I am very submissive and I need my husband to be dominant. He loves taking care of me in a service way (make food, take care of the house, do the shopping, bring me everything I need etc.). Getting bdsm people to accept the fact that he is doing all of this as a top and not a bottom is usually impossible. Because it is not the things that a dominant normally does. I’m supposed to serve him.
Everything can be made into a top or bottom thing if both of you have the same view of the action. It’s all about the reason behind the things you do. Not the actual task.
So is it the normal? Well… it’s probably not the norm but as long as you and your partner(s) is(/are) enjoying it who cares?
And for what it is worth I can totally see the bottomness (again… is this a word?) of someone so much bigger sitting in your lap while you worship them. Compare it to for example a male submissive and a female domme. Regardless (this IS a word!) of the sizes no one would think that she was automatically the bottom just because she was in the lap.
Still that idea it does get my thoughts rolling a bit. It feels like a learnt reaction based in misogyny: Women sit in mens lap (in every thing everywhere for more than 100 years) —> Women are generally smaller than men —> Men have power, women are weak —> The person sitting in someone’s lap must be the weak one.
I hope you will get to have many more of those wonderful experiences!!! ❤️
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