I am 25 years old, and it seems like every girl I start dating with where I really like her, works like a charm in the beginning, and then something bad has to happen unless I don’t really want that girl and don’t take it seriously, and that’s where the things go the opposite way.
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Everything started since I met my second girlfriend where I truly loved her, I literally was manipulated by her, I would be so afraid to lose her because she’s everything I had. I struggled a lot, I suffered and even hurt myself a few times when I felt that it’s going to end, until I eventually lost it. I was very needy and I didn’t realize that.
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After that relationship, it was very hard for me to fall in love, because I always searched for something like her until one day I finally got released from these feelings. I started liking other girls, but again, everything started by going very well, I just know how to start it and get it going, I don’t know why either its my looks or my confidence at the beginning or a mix of it, but it doesn’t last for long…
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Once I get into something more serious than just a date, my confidence goes a bit down because I get that feeling of being afraid to lose, starting to filter words and thoughts, I get stupid thoughts of like “If I will answer her too fast, she will think I am needy” or “If I won’t answer her in time, she will think I am delaying my messages and playing games”, or “If I wont show any feelings, she will get bored” or “If I will show any feelings, she will see weakness”. I never know how much attention to show, when I like the person, I go into a weird mind state that I am just doing what I am feeling, and usually if I do that it only hurts me.
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There was this girl that I fell in love with her, she was very insecure and was cold before she even saw me face to face. But once she did, she was so excited and even told me awesome stuff like she likes the way I look, that I changed her taste in a man completely, and that’s she’s having fun and even became pushy to be with me. But slowly after showing her attention and my crazy interest, she started taking me for granted by answering me every X hours, canceling our dates due to stupid reasons, and obviously feeling like she wants to be with me less but never breaking up, usually waiting for me to do it.
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Eventually when I spoke to her about how I feel, at first she was cute and told me that she’s used to bad guys that threated her badly and that I am so nice to her and she has to get used to it, but a few more times like this she just didn’t give a damn and it got worse until we broke up & then started dating with her again just without any sexual interaction which was very hard. I tried to be hard with her, tried to not give a damn, but she probably just noticed me, found out I just behave this way to confuse her, and I found out that once someone sees something about you, you can’t change their mind when we speak of feelings.
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Yes I am a nice guy when I like someone, I always try to respect and not sexually touch until it comes from her, and it’s not just women, it’s any person that I like and have certain interest in. Sometimes I think that I am not enough sexually for them, but that’s not because I am not, that’s because I am afraid of doing something that will make her think that I disrespect her, like I can’t just start a sex discussion, or say let’s do it, I always try to make it look naturally when we are in bed watching movie or something, or just let it come from her first.
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Whenever I don’t really care about a girl I hang out with, I do whatever I feel to do and it just works or it doesn’t and I just don’t care.
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I do understand a few things that I am probably doing wrong, but I would love to get an advice.
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I have no issues meeting new girls, I actually do go straight to woman and ask her out and it always works unless she has a boyfriend, but then I enter a mode where I am afraid to lose what I just got.
5 comments
try to friend with them and open up more.
Hey. Girls are really confusing so don’t beat yourself up over it too much. For example, i have a friend who hates when her boyfriend is too clingy and thinks he annoying, meanwhile I love it when my boyfriend is. But then theres girls who want attention all the time, its confusing. ALSO some end up not liking nice guys, I really dont know why.
Don’t overthink about everything and just be yourself. I think trying to satisfy another person who you really like but they don’t treat you the same is exhausting and might not be worth it in the end..
You don’t “have to” make a relationship work, it either work or doesn’t.
It’s a lot more natural than you think, you probably just end up with the wrong person somehow cause you’re sensitive to their charm.
At least if you get something out of it, it’s fine, but if you want to find someone who respects you, it’s a principle you need to apply to yourself first.
You could try reading “No More Mr Nice Guy” by Robert Glover, “Models” by Mark Manson, “How To Be A 3% Man” by Corey Wayne (this one’s free on author’s webpage). These might give you the insights you are looking for to better understand women.
My advice would be don’t play their games. If you want a long-term relationship then you cannot tolerate much (if any) bullshit. Also some girls just don’t want that long-term relationship (even when they say they do) in your dating age range, they are too distracted by chasing the best next thing – it’s not something that’s just specific to women, but when a person is in high demand, they can dictate the rules of the game.
You want it too badly. People in general tend to not value what they know will ALWAYS be there whenever they want. It sounds like you’re allowing them to become your point of origin