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I find it very hard to stand up or disagree with people in authority.
Hiding things from my parents, I got really good at hiding things from them in fear of them freaking out over small things.
Pathological liar
A tendency to isolate myself, neglect and invalidate my own emotions and keeping up a stoical façade, as well as a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
Catastrophizing my failures. As in, to this day I legitimately believe on some level that I make mistakes because I’m the absolute worst horrible garbage human being and not because, you know, it’s normal to make mistakes.
The need to be successful and prove myself.
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If someone tells me no or I can’t do something it makes me 10x more likely to follow through with it. I’m also so good at lying that no one, not even those closest to me, can distinguish my lies from the truth.
I struggle to turn to people for support because in the past, I have been punished and/or insulted over the most minor inconveniences. Mistakes are not allowed and it paralyses me with fear so I end up doing nothing at all.
I also became slightly reckless when I finally got freedom. Like, meeting strangers from shady sites at the pub and leaving my drinks with them when I go to the bathroom, sort of thing. It’s like trying to make up for not getting to be a teenager in dangerous ways, I suppose. It takes active effort not to go out and do that stuff again now.