TLDR: Hey guys, I need some input from my favorite subreddit: I think people are work don’t talk to me because they’re all Mormon, but I’m not sure, maybe they’re socially awkward.
I live in Salt Lake City, UT and there’s a heavy Mormon population here, as you can imagine. In most jobs I’ve had, there’s a good mix of non-Mormons and I’ve made a really good friend at pretty much every single job I’ve ever worked at. I have a great small group of 2-3 girl friends outside of work, I’m married, and I think my husband’s family likes me.
So I started this great job in April where I can work from home three days a week… The only problem is everyone on my team (about 5 people) are very very Mormon (they speak very openly about church and going on a Mission at work), but also very shy… I think. My boss isn’t talkative, I can tell my trainer has social anxiety, but the two women don’t seem that shy. It’s just hard to hear them over my desk, but I participate when I can.
I’ve asked them all about themselves and their lives to try to make friends and get nothing in return!! I wish someone would ask me how MY weekend was, or my favorite:
Her: “Oh is it your birthday on Monday?”
Me: “Yes it is!”
Her: nods head
Me: cries inside
No one else bothered to ask me what I’m doing for my birthday despite them all signing a little card.
Are they socially inept? Or do you think they’re excluding me? They know I’m not Mormon because I have a tattoo and drink coffee. I’m a pretty sensitive and caring person, and it just really hurts, so any insight would be helpful.
3 comments
Hard to tell. It seems like they already have established office relationships and so that can be hard to break into regardless.
I find it easier to make plans and include people than it is to hope to be included. People are set in their ways and a lot of adults, particularly church adults are busy and already have most of their social time and effort allocated. They won’t think to include you, so if you want to be included try and include them.
My guess is the two women have become friends and the rest are about where you are plus possibly church connections. People like talking about themselves, and it’s possible that by slowly getting to know them they’ll open up. I sometimes get confused when people who don’t know we’ll start asking me questions, and sometimes it takes awhile to realize that they’re not just trying to be friendly but they’re actually trying to make friends.
Once I realize that I realize that I haven’t been pulling my conversational weight, I start asking questions and also making an effort and the friendship grows. But I’m sure there are also many missed moments where I’m just too busy to make a new friend.
In addition the other commenter’s point, if you work from home 3/5 days then that’s probably also inhibiting good social interactions; they might feel they don’t see you around enough to be worth attempting to really get to know.
Also the tattoo might low-key scare them 🙂
Mormons are very exclusive, but it sounds to me like they’re more introverted/intimidated. I didn’t know non-Mormons growing up and for a while I didn’t know how to talk to them, even after I left Mormonism myself. It’s hard to grasp a perspective that you were never really exposed to.