It’s likely irrational, but I have this strange urge to compare myself with other people. I can’t accept my own shortcomings, and am jealous of everyone that possesses something that I don’t.
I know that there are ways to cope with this, such as learning and mastering the things that I want to be good at. It’s just demoralizing to see people with so much less experience best me, it just provides more fuel for the fire of self-hate; it provides evidence for my insufficiencies.
It seems as though there is a cycle. I believe that I’m insufficient—>I try new thing—>repeat.
I’m certainly biased, and only seeing the failures in my abilities, but I don’t know how to stop filtering out the good data and only being left with the data that perpetuates this cycle.