Im a Community College student fresh out of high school and when I thiught the High school gossip and immaturity would stop. I was wrong.
Now im not sure if this is a communication thing or not but recently I had a lab for chemistrym generally, im not very good at chemistry labs, im a perfectionist, I dont understand things as quickly as others do, and I’m more than willing to ask questions if I get confused even if i try my best.
Now within this lab, we were simply just measuring water in different tubes. The instructions didnt seem very clear to me so I kept asking my partner, she gladly clarified things for me even if it seemed like i was bugging her. However, one guy in my table started to cause problems.
I started to get a bit frustratex since I was not sure if I was doing things right. In a chemistry lab everything has fo be 100% and safe so I asked things like “How will the water pump out of this dropper?? I dont know if those first few drops counted since I jist activated them” and he, seeing my frustration would say sarcastic Remarks like “Dude ITS Not hard Its just water, Cmon man!!”
Anyway, I almost told this 30+ ywar old man to shut up. But of course I won’t risk it for that behavior (Unfortunately( so I just slapped my chair in frustration. He kept egginv me and said sarcastic things like “Cmon necessary pop! Its easy! I did it last Semester!” Well I almost lost my cool and said some mean shit like
“If it were so easy to you, then why the fuck are you still in community college at 30?” But No, im not a dick. I understand why people come back at an older age and I respect that. But a grown man egging on a clearly frustrated 18 year old has 0 of my respect.
Anyway, this crushed me socially, ruined my day and I was in the verge of tears. I was afraid that what he said was correct “If i mess uo and struggle now… how will i ever catch up in the future?”
You know what? I came to realize that Its not my fault (I hope) it was the fact that I was so stressed, ridiculed, and unfocused at the time. That i physically and menrally could do anything. I spent the rest of ny time quiet and gonizing over it but Every wave of calmness and self reassurance got me thru the end of the lab.
When i finished and Congratulated myself my lab partner and lab mate said “You’re still on that part? Lol” At that point. I stopped caring (Okay i did a little bit) but I had done it. And i know for sure if they weren’t there I would have completed it quicker.
Tbh I know this could have all been over if I just stood up for myself and said what I needed to say. Like “Dude, Im Usually slow at understanding simple things and im clearly stressed. And it may have been easy for you, But please be considerate of my effort” or something, But I was just so mind boggled. My head and Soul felt like it was going to melt and I was jist rlly angry and stressed at the time.
This rocked my confidence but i’l use it as an experience. Anyway, how can I grow from this?