([It worked for another poster](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/wptckm/is_it_me_being_awkward_or_him_being_cautious_or/) so I’m hoping it might for me too, LOL!)
A couple of weeks ago I (F31) posted about [having gone on 4 dates with someone and having no clue if he was even into me](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/wh4951/4_dates_in_and_i_have_no_idea_if_he_likes_me/), as he (M33) hadn’t given me any signal. A lot of people asked for an update and well, there isn’t much to update yet. We’ve gone on two more dates since, one being drinks where I initiated a hug for the first time when we said hello, and then he did it when we said goodbye. After that date I was very confused about his intentions (because of the platonic feel) so I asked him over a text why he’s on the dating app, and he basically said he wants to settle down and have a family some day.
Today we had another date exploring the nature. It was lovely, we chatted comfortably, joked around and I left the date with a big smile on my face. *However*, during the whole date I longed to touch him – to hold his arm, hug him sideways when we walked, kiss him at the romantic spots. Why didn’t I? I don’t know, I guess I didn’t feel comfortable because I figured if he wanted to do any of that stuff with me he would have already? I realize he could be thinking the same thing, but I can’t help but feel this way.
I’m pretty confident we’re only seeing each other so I don’t want to unnecessarily rush things. On one hand I want him to feel comfortable with me, follow the pace he’s comfortable with. On the other hand, this is a totally new situation for me (all the guys before were very clear about their romantic/physical interest) and even though I’m pretty sure he likes me, I don’t understand how he isn’t doing anything about it (besides going on dates and talking to me)! Should I ask about it? Hold his hand? Just kiss him? HOW??? What if he likes me but doesn’t feel comfortable getting physical yet (not even kissing)? What if it’ll be weird if I hold his hand, since so far we’ve only been platonic?? I have no idea how to get out of this platonic zone, lol. I was going to (finally) just go for the kiss if I went over to his place, but short of inviting myself over I don’t know when that will happen. Maybe I should (invite myself over)?
**TL/DR: 6 dates with a guy, still no kiss or compliments or flirting. We’ve only progressed to a hello/goodbye hug LOL. Pretty sure neither of us is seeing anyone else but despite that it’s all platonic. What do I do??**
9 comments
My mantra when I have situations like this is “fortune favors the bold”. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t want anxiety/fear to limit the things I do so a big part of it is jumping into things even if I feel the anxiety. If I make a move then one of three things happen:
1. She is happy I made a move and I’m happy that she’s happy
2. She wasnt comfortable with it (and let’s me know) but she gives me the benefit of the doubt and I’m happy that she can be honest
3. She wasn’t comfortable with it and she’s freaked out by my assertiveness. While this likely means we’re over, I’m glad I polarized her rather than playing it safe just to find incompatibilities later
remember: fortune favors the bold
GO FOR IT.
Alright, it’s been 6 dates now, you need to just rip the bandaid off and do it. My suggestion for you:
Schedule a date where you go on a picnic where you can be alone together. Get warmed up chatting as you normally would for 15-30 minutes. Sit as close to him as you can. If nothing happens, just bluntly say “I’d really like to kiss you right now” and it will happen. From there, it should get a lot easier.
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Is there a reason you’re waiting for him to invite you over rather than inviting him to your place? Due to my target market, I tend to go on a lot of dates with guys who are physically slow movers – it’s not unusual for me to get 3-4 dates in before kissing or making other physical contact. My typical strategy for getting the ball rolling is to invite them over and watch a movie on the couch, snuggled up against them. It’s low pressure but tends to get the point across and they will almost always make a move.
Just tell him you have a hard time reading him and not sure if he’s into you or not. He may say the same thing back to you. Once he confirms he is, then that’ll give you more confidence to initiate something with him.
There was a post a couple days ago about a woman in a similar position. We hyped her up, told her to start making physical contact – touching his arm, etc. – and not so subtly talking about kissing to see if he would initiate a kiss and if not just straight up ask to kiss. She ended up initiating their first kiss and was super happy about how things went. Use her story as inspiration!
Edit: here’s the link to that post: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/wptckm/is_it_me_being_awkward_or_him_being_cautious_or/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
You want to smoosh your face on his face, yes? Put your face right up in his face, and tell him you want to kiss him. He’ll either respond positively, in which case YAY FACE SMOOSHING, or negatively, in which case y’all gonna need to use your words and hash that out.
As a shy introvert I completely relate with your guy. My advice to you, show him your interest.
Touch his arm. Hold his hand if on a walk, or at a movie. If he looks at you, just look back and smile. Lean your head on his shoulder.
You will probably create a level of relief on his end.