Hi! i m 28 male. Been with my wife for 10 years , 6 of them married and we have a beautiful little boy.
My wife describes herself as a not very sexual person, that she enjoys sex and i make her feel wonderful but sex is not a priority in her life. It is for me.
Our sexual relationship started 10 years ago extremely vanilla and honestly it wasn’t good. Throughout the years i optimized many aspects of it for her pleasure. I suggested new positions that are pleasurable for her, i brought in toys , i dress up in sexy costumes , give her sensual massages etc…
To the point that getting her to orgasm became really fast. we take breaks so she wouldn’t cum in 1 min, but at the end sex is still too fast as it reaches a point where she can’t hold anymore. she orgasms twice and then not able to continue anymore which is frustrating to me.
When it comes to communication i m always the one initiating. ask what she liked , how she feels , was it good… she never asks me about how i feel.
She never does anything for me and she’s not invested in my pleasure. does not suggest new stuff to try , does not ask me what i like or what i want. i v spent years giving her head without receiving one back. Until i couldn’t take it anymore and confronted her. Her answer was it was psychological and that it felt humiliating but that she ll try. we started doing 69 during foreplay and that was the only instance i got head for years. till again i couldn’t anymore and told her that it would be nice if we did oral separately and so far we did that once.
I started taking anti-depression pills lately for nerve pain prescribed by my neurologist. These pills magnified all of problems and worries in life including sex. It made me legit depressed and she noticed this. she asked me couple of times whats wrong and i just started talking.
I told her that i felt undesired, that she is not invested in our sex life and definitely not in my pleasure. That on the days she feels like having sex she s all over me ( which is not often ) and the rest of the day it’s the opposite. Why is it me that always tries, it’s me who always seeks.
That of course led to her usual response. She started crying and gave me the same answer as always, that’s just who i m and i hate myself. and why are you attacking me ( i definitely was not ). that she does not know what to do and that she’s not experienced. like i was born knowing how to fuck. we argued for 2 days with no solution in sight until i gave up and suggested to her that i will lead. i will continue to be the one that tries to spice things up and i will tell her if i want something and what i like and how i like it. She enthusiastically agreed and i thought fuck it, it is what it is.
Today i found the mojoupgrade survey, i did it and sent her the link. low and behold the only answers we matched on are the most vanilla shit in that survey that we already do! and you guessed all were about me doing stuff for her pleasure (ex a sensual massage). seeing that just broke me. i m tired of compromising, i m tired of trying to be happy in a healthy sexual relationship. this is pushing me to the edge and i m thinking of just telling her i want a break from sex, as i simply lost my desire for it now.
i honestly don’t know what to do. i m writing this in a bad emotional state. i hope i didn’t omit some details.
2 comments
I Can understand your frustration as someone who also doesn’t have a great sexual relationship in my marriage
My marriage is a lot like yours except I’m on the other end, I’m the wife who isn’t that into sex
If you want me to put in my 2p, it sounds like you might be putting too much pressure on yourself and too much importance on sex. Like, is sex really the highest priority thing in your life and your relationship, is it worth putting that much of your emotional energy into worrying about it?
From what you’ve said you’ve already tried communicating with your wife and trying new things, so I’m not sure there’s much else you can do practically speaking. Maybe at this point what you need to do next is think about your mindset. Changing you outlook and attitude can make a big difference
Focus on what’s good in your life, you have a loving marriage and son, and even if the sex isn’t ideal it could be a lot worse, sounds like you’re still having some fun despite everything
Of course I don’t know your situations like you do, these are only suggestions. But as I said, attitude is everything, and you do have a lot going for you. It’s an old cliché but, stay positive
Open relationship? This shit just sounds miserable.