So I’m a pretty shy person but I’ve managed to break out of my comfort zone recently and meet a few new people and that’s been going good so far. My only issue is that during conversations people will talk about stuff and when they’re done talking they expect me to say something back to them, but I don’t know what to say other than “yeah” or “damn” and stuff along those lines. Then the other person has to carry the conversation and I feel like that’s draining for them.
Also in group settings everyone else talks to each other and I don’t really get a chance to say much since everyone is talking to each other. This might be a common thing for shy people but yeah I’m not sure what to do, I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice on how I can converse better or ways to include myself more in group conversations. Especially since I don’t have many interesting stories or anything to begin with. Thanks!
7 comments
You can use parroting technique.
Have a few interesting questions up your sleeve. Point is, many people just *love* to talk (especially when they can share some stuff about themselves). A good listener is a rare find nowadays, and makes people feel interesting. So once they make a break in their speech, instead of saying “yeah” just follow up with a question.
You don’t need to talk about yourself to be liked – people will like you if they feel you are interested in what they have to say. It is kinda a self centered thing, but it works pretty well.
I read this book – – The Fine Art of Small Talk. What you do:
(1)Comment/Acknowledge/empathize “Damn that must have been so hard!” and they may add in something. If not, then proceed to the ff:
(2)Ask a follow up question. “How do you find the time?”
(3) Self Disclosure. “Wow! That’s amazing. I always find it difficult but what I do…”
Its important to listen to them and be interested/curious. Because that’s the only way you can actually formulate proper follow up questions/comments.
Conversations involve asking questions, listening to them, asking follow up questions but also making sure you have your turn to share something about yourself. Because you can’t always place the burden on them in keeping the convo going. And also because that’s how you build connection – – you share something about yourself, they share something too.
Develop a personality
Exercise
Read
Watch movies
Find things you like
Join clubs
Yeah… *stares in silence*
You should add a hobby or interest to your life, and persue it, the interesting stories and facts and interactions will come through that. Plus you will meet people with a similar interest so if you have nothing to tell them, ask them something? It feels good as the recipient to be asked for their opinion or advice by you, it shows respect and intetest
Asking questions and relating back to my experiences/sharing anecdotes is usually how i add to the conversation. I still end up not having anything to say in some situations but I’m also autistic with selective mutism so I might not give the best advice haha.