I (18f) don’t get anything from masturbation. I’ve tried a few times, with porn or just by thinking of my boyfriend while touching myself but I never seem to get anywhere. I just don’t get any pleasure from it. It feels physically good but I think it’s an emotional thing because when my bf does the same things to me I get super wet and turned on but I do the same thing alone and it doesn’t happen. I was a virgin before my bf so I haven’t much experience and I’ve never orgasmed before. I really want to orgasm but everyone says that I need to learn my own body and figure it out in my own first. How can I do that if I can’t masturbate?
3 comments
Are you able to get a vibrator? If you have a removable shower head, you could try that as well.
Masturbation doesn’t feel good for me either and feels much better when my bf does it. One thing that may help if you are unable to get a toy, is mutal masturbation. Face time him and and say you want to matual masturbate. I like the spontaneous reactions and movements durning sex and thats what turns me on. Counter clockwise circles also helps when I rub my clit.
This suggests to me:
> when my bf does the same things to me I get super wet and turned on but I do the same thing alone and it doesn’t happen
That this is largely a problem of arousal and the headspace that you’re in. Sexual pleasure and orgasm are largely mental, so much to the point where many people (I’ve experienced this a few times) are able to orgasm without any physical stimulation, and to where physical stimulation won’t feel good, won’t lead to orgasm, and might even feel bad, if you’re not in the right mindset.
There are different angles you can take to try to get into the right headspace. Here are some things that can sometimes help:
* Waiting for a time where you feel more sexually aroused, and not doing it when you feel less so. This might be a certain time in your cycle (esp. if you’re not on birth control) or just certain days or maybe certain times of day. I find that having ample time is important, I find it hard to get turned on if I feel time pressure and easier if I am more relaxed about time, but not everyone is like me.
* Doing things to make yourself more physically or mentally comfortable. I find that I get turned on more easily when I have sufficient privacy and am not afraid of being interrupted. (For some people this is less of a big deal, and other people actively get off on the thrill of being interrupted, but if you’re not like this, more privacy is better.) Also having the space be warm enough is important, I have trouble getting off without a partner if the room is too cold, with a partner it’s less of an issue because you can warm each other up. Also staying adequately hydrated and eating well seems to help, it sounds silly but being hungry or thirsty I find is not conducive to feeling sexually aroused and can distract from a feeling of arousal. (It makes sense biologically because sex is tied to procreation which people tend to only do when they are well-fed and comfortable and stable.) Basically anything to reduce stress is good, and making sure you are exercising regularly but not running yourself down to the point of exhaustion.
* Think about things that turn you on. Some people like reading written erotica or looking at pictures (which could be porn or could just be pics of someone you are attracted to, which could be your partner). If your partner turns you on and you get off when you’re with him, maybe go over a recent positive sexual experience in your head…I find recounting good sexual experiences are a pretty reliable way for me to get turned on! You can also sext your partner, or re-read sexting conversations. Sexting doesn’t need to be roleplay, it can just be direct conversations about how much you enjoyed being with him and/or what you would like to do next time you get together.
* Focus on loving your own body. I find that for me, being turned on with solo sex goes hand-in-hand with loving my own body, like it’s easier to get comfy sexually if I’m loving my own body, and getting more into it sexually also helps me to love my body more. You don’t even need to start by like, diving right into touching your genitals. Maybe start by caressing other parts of your body. Maybe rub your nipples if that is something you enjoy.
* I don’t know what your boyfriend does when touching you, but you don’t necessarily need to do the same exact things he does when you’re alone. I find I often want completely different things with solo play vs. with partner play. For me, a reason for this is that the presence of my partner makes me feel so turned on that it is easier to orgasm and easy to get overstimulated, so when I’m alone, I actually want a bit more intense stimulation and more steady stimulation than when I’m with a partner, when I tend to want lighter, more indirect, or more intermittent stimulation. I tend to like internal stimulation more solo, than I do with a partner. Other people are the opposite. I find that for me there is an interaction between internal and external stimulation and that they feel best when I get enough external stimulation to bring me closer to orgasm, and then focus on internal stimulation. Sometimes one or the other might feel good in isolation though, sometimes I’m in the mood for one or not the other. Other times I might want one, but my body just says it isn’t comfortable so I need to listen and rest and come back to it another day. Experiment and listen to your body!