It takes my bf about 1-2 hours to cum – if he cums at all. On occasion he cums earlier, but usually not.
This causes our nights to go late, because I want to give him the opportunity to try to cum but it takes too long. I have to get up for work at 8:00am, so I go to bed by 11:00pm latest. I also have insomnia so I need more time to sleep so I can feel rested in the morning.
I also have troubles focusing during sex and staying arroused because it’s just simply takes too long. And for me there’s no sensation in the vaheen at all, so just going in and out for an hour or two runs me down.
I suggested we should try to instigate sex earlier so it doesn’t affect my sleep, but he took it personally and said “it’s okay we don’t have to have sex”.
Also, my bf is one of those “anti-big-pharma” types of people so I don’t think taking pills to fix it would be an option.
I’m trying to stay interested and optimistic, but I’m losing sleep, interest in sex, and sex itself is starting to feel like a task for me. However, this is a very touchy subject for him, and I don’t know how to talk about it with him.
How do I talk to my Bf about this without hurting his feelings; and what can I (or both of us) do to make this work?
Additional context:
I have never came or orgasmed during sex myself – so I can at least relate to him on that level.
8 comments
Be never came while masturbating? Or is it faster when he tries? I think or he may have some mental blocks or sone physical issues, and both may need some professional help . I can feel how you may feel about it
It’s not abnormal for guys to really have problem with cumming. It could be an underlying condition. You guys should indulge in more foreplay to increase the chances of actually orgasming at all, and sooner.
1-2 hours? Holy shit. Does he get off easier if you use your mouth or hands? Maybe try a toy or something? A lot of men have the opposite problem so unfortunately most advice you’re going to find online for him is going to be geared toward how to not cum as quickly.
For me, this would be wildly uncomfortable. The average length of PiV sex is something like 5-7 minutes. Obviously, there’s variation to this number, but that 2 hours is a significant jump from minutes-long sex. Things I’d try:
* He masturbates before he enters, bringing himself closer to the finish line before you begin.
* You do PiV for a comfortable amount of time, and then he pulls out and you or him finish him.
* He refrains from masturbating that day, or the days leading up to sex, so that he’s more on edge when it’s time to go.
* He practice masturbating in a way that feels similar to sex. Lubing his hand or with a fleshlight, for example.
First you two should go to r/becomingorgasmic second, does he try as hard as you to give you an orgasm? If not, you should stop trying so hard. This is a sensitive topic for you both and you must explain this to him, don’t make this about his orgasm because is about your pleasure too. I’ll definitely suggest to do cuddle sessions, not to get to his orgasm but to enjoy you both. And please, set your boundaries, I’m a pleaser and many times I’ve been on discomfort and haven’t told my partner to stop.
So I have this issue from time to time, although not to the extent of your BF. Age is beginning to play a role in this for me as well. You didn’t state the age of your BF but this could be a factor.
This is definitely a sensitive topic for discussion and it sounds like your BF may be lacking some confidence to begin with, which makes this an even more difficult subject for him to discuss. Having said that, in discussions with my wife, I’ve taken the long game approach, which is that I recognize that this is sometimes an issue for me and if I can tell that she has reached a threshold where things are taking too long, we will sometimes just stop and I will finish up on my own.
Is that optimal? No it’s not. But it’s certainly better than her feeling like sex is potentially a major ordeal where she’s going to lose too much sleep or just that it won’t be an enjoyable experience by the end. For me, I still get much (but not all) of the bonding and closeness and fun that I am after. While imperfect, it’s better than the alternative, which is for there to be less frequent sex due, in part, to this issue.
Not sure if this is helpful but it’s obvious that you are at the point where this is having a negative affect on you and your desire for sex. So realistically you either get out ahead of this and find a reasonable solution, break up due to incompatibility, or have less sex because you will reach the point of not wanting to as often given the circumstances.
Does he have any redeeming qualities or is he a horrible ogre in every other regard too?
Stick a finger up his asshole.