I’ve been thinking about the effort some guys put into just to get laid or at least attempt to get laid with a girl and is the chase really worth it?
The whole love bombing, trips, night outs and spending money on someone practically just for sex. sounds like such a huge waste of time and energy, not to even mention money. Why not do that with someone you truly care about? A friend told me it’s post nut clarity, but really? You put so much effort into a girl, just to bail afterwards? And then they always come back with their tails between their legs, acting as if nothing happened. I will never understand that, sounds exhausting.
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It is a phenomenon I too cannot understand. They want the feel of a girlfriend without having to commit to one. Waste time, money, energy to sleep with someone and disappear. Only to be back weeks and sometimes months later as if all is well. Then they begin they cycle all over again. It’s sad. I’ve been on the receiving side of this behaviour and it’s exhausting for me too – constantly trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Makes no sense..
As I said in a previous post earlier.. women want relationships and men want sex. They’ll do everything up to the point of actual commitment but back out because it “freaks” them out. How do I know? Happened recently.
I think it really depends of the person. A lot of men, me included prefer stable and lasting relationships rather than occasional hookups. I think that this second category is just more « noticeable » because they are constantly getting new partners, making more people talk about them etc, and let’s be honest, a lot of them like to brag about it.
Men who settle down with a woman usually don’t talk or boast about it that much, they just live their lives happily and that’s all !
I must say that before everything else, everytime à girl try to put herself in a man shoes, she never realize first how different it is for men and women to date. You just dont know.
But that being said, if several men did it to you, you’re the problem, not them. Something in you, or that you do invite such behavior.
Im sure you dont deserve it but somehow it comes from you.
Men want sex because for the average man it’s extremely difficult to get. Not saying it’s right or wrong, and of course I disagree with lying and games to get it.
There are plenty of good men out there though that actually want a committed relationship and not just sex, but most of these guys are invisible to women or are sitting on read in their DMs lol
I always was a „sort“ of these people. I did not put much effort or money into it but it was just fun. I never lied to any women to get them. It was a thing of „Let’s just have fun together without expecting more than sex. If we get feelings then we get them“. It was not a search for women, I just found them… at the grocery store, while bowling with friends, just walking through the city and eating an ice cream or at the gym. After acting like this I found my actual gf. Seems like some men put too much effort into just getting someone. I think they (not all) have a psychological disorder. They just like the feeling of someone falling in love with them and then they have no interest anymore if they know that they could just get into a relationship. It has a name but i don’t know it.
I don’t understand it either. Men tend to think with their pickles first. It’s fine to only want sex but just say that up front in the beginning. They’d save everyone involved a headache. Communication is key.
Dating is fun, while I ultimately want a relationship there are girls who don’t make the cut but I would still have sex with. Or sometimes after sex you realize you’re not that into them. I don’t lead girls on if that’s the case, but a lot of guys aren’t decent people or good at communication
For some guys, the chase is where it’s at, not so much the sex. Meeting new personalities, learning new things from new people and remaining single and independent can actually be a good time. Sex or no sex, bad or good sex, I personally enjoyed getting to that point or not getting there, you learn so much!
Spend that money on sex workers.
A lot of people are just looking to get off. Idk how people could do it honestly, I never could be one of those people just looking to bang, I get attached and care about someone easily. I’d rather stay at home alone than waste time, money and effort into just having sex with someone, and that’s what I’ve done the past year. Lonely? Sure, but I’d rather find the one person to be with for a long time than find several people to be with for a short time.
If sex is the goal and not relationships or commitment, then you do it as low cost as possible. Drink on the beach, smoke and vibe, Netflix and chill type dates come to mind.
The men that do this don’t do it for the sex. They do it to exert control over women and it feeds in to their ego and feeds their self confidence. Ultimately, they are sad little men who use and abuse to make them feel better about themselves.
Yeah, i’ve never understood that mentality.
Like everything in life, mileage may vary but yeah it doesn’t make much sense to me: when single/dating i’m trying to find someone who wants to become a part of my life to explore the world and grow with me and make each other better, not to connect with, have sex, and then be like peace! ✌️
Some guys are just like that, but most of my close male friends that are single are looking for relationships, and from what it sounds based on the number of complaints i’ve read from women here about this exact same topic, I guess it’s difficult to tell them apart?
A lot of men (well, people in general, but regarding sex, men seem to be worse) simply don’t really know what they want.
It’s called having intimacy issues. It’s the weird push and pull of wanting physical intimacy but not emotional intimacy because emotional intimacy leads to heartbreak.
The only time I got caught in that cycle was when the right girl wasn’t ever interested in me or it seemed like none of the girls who were had any sort of relationship qualities. Sometimes sex and the chase can mask disappointment of rejection and being stuck in a dead end. Living in that continual state doesn’t appeal to me.
Because in all honesty men and women are totally different when it comes to sex and dating etc.
For majority of women they have been offered sex since they hit puberty. For men? Not so much.
Then they wonder why the girl wants more after all the time and effort he spent on her just trying to get in her pants. It’s you bro, you made her feel like there was more there.
Its dopamine. All that exciting new situations… all that chemistry going on.
Us men have too much testosterone
I wasn’t aware that guys do all that for just sex. When I do a trip with someone I’m in a relationship. I wouldn’t do that for a hookup. For just sex it’s more of a dinner date or getting drinks which the money doesn’t matter but probably under 50-100. That’s money just for getting together and the date. If there isn’t any chemistry then just leave it at that but sex is a possibility if both agree.
Trips, nights out and money spending is just a life style and ofc it’s only complete with a woman’s presence. That makes not that special to them since you can be replaced any time, many women enjoy being in the center of that investment, so from their point of view the waste is if that missing component of their life style is held by only one woman.
This is just my opinion and ofc it’s not a generalization.
For me it’s not a conscious thing. I’m convinced that I really like her until sex and only then do I realize that I was just needing to get laid.
This is nothing new, its been happening before any of us were born and still will to this day. Regardless of gender, orientation etc it happens.
Im sure some men can attest to a women using them for a drink, dinner etc and never heard from the women again whether they were thinking about sex or not. Or a women ghost the man for months and throws a test of the water text with a “Hey”
Same reason why girls would only go out with guys for free meals. Hell my girl roommate sets up dates with 3 different guys back to back so she can get free drinks before hanging out with her actual friends. Or she has set up 2-3 dates on same day so she can free breakfast/lunch/dinner.
It is quite exhausting. But if I end up giving it up, and the rules beforehand have been stated (ex. Fbuddies/potiential relationship/ONS) then i go with the flow on that. If potential relationship is answered and then they ghost, either A) Just wanted to hit it and quit it and didn’t want to be honest. B) compatibility in bed. Or C) genuinely scared to be honest. Those don’t typically come back, and if they do, why entertain them?
Sounds like you are you saying that they should just pay for the sex instead.
Im getting really confused what this sub is for…
Bruh if she’s not dtf after like a week I’m out
It’s like politics , lost guys don’t do this but the loudest and most extreme tend to be the most successful which gets some guys to employ these kinda methods. I can’t say some of them don’t work and I can’t say they work all the time. Focus on who likes you and learn that person 🤷🏾♂️
I think it’s because that is the minimal effort that it takes to hold the attention of desirable women, especially if you meet through OLD. If a guy is upfront with his intentions he runs the risk of being rejected, lying becomes the obvious alternative. I hate generalizing because it’s not really productive, but there do seem to be a lot of unspoken expectations when you are dating as a guy.
I’ve also noticed that if a woman communicates to a guy that she is looking for a long term relationship, guys will automatically assume that woman wants nothing else to do with anyone not looking for the same thing. Which may not necessarily be the case, but instead of attempting to communicate it’s easier to lie or cut their loses.
If you don’t want to give men the benefit of doubt, it’s because in my experience I either have 5 options or 0 options. I think the same holds true for others. I think subconsciously men act differently when they are getting the attention they want from someone. These subtle changes are noticed by other women making him more attractive. I’ve never really met a single man that was decisive about dating when there are options.
You ever hear about those guys that are chasing the high score in Donkey Kong? These guys are pretty much the same thing. When you see something as a game and you are striving to improve your game…
It’s embarrassing honestly lol
Women will never understand the power of post nut clarity, it’s like breaking a spell or something.
The dating pool is a cess pool right now and is only getting worse, most people aren’t worth being in a relationship with, so yes, fake it till u make it then leave so u dont have to put up with their BS
women do the same
many women on apps are just casually dating, getting free meals/dates, until they find one with money they like.
sex feels good ion know what to tell you 🤷🏿♂️
If I put all that effort into a lady I don’t intend to bail but I’m not very successful anyway. They say women want sex just as much as men but just because of the fact of all of this just to get to sex I honestly think that’s a myth.
My guy friend deleted his apps bc of that. He said it was just a waste of time and money for the both of them lol
As a man, i state on my dating app profile that i dont look for anything serious, and it helps.
It’s the testosterone that be makin men feel horned up. It’s really tuff to find a fck buddy.
Because prostitution is illegal and in some states if a felony to buy sex. This is a way of doing that without committing a crime plus sometimes we actually think we like you until we splooge.
Why do you care
I don’t think most women will ever understand this but here it goes anyways:most guys even above average ones don’t have 30 girls swiping right on them or tinder or thirsting in their dms down for casual sex or a fwb situation.That just doesn’t happen,we can’t just go through our matches and go “eine minnie minnie mo pick a rando fuck them and let them go,eine minnie minne mo”.Another thing,mostly guys want hookups and girls want commited relationships,for eg tinder where men outnumber women 3:1,is mostly renown for being a hookup app.The consequences of this dispairty between wants is,guy wills use love and the tantalising aspect of a relationship to get sex(their main objective) while women will use sex(ie “putting out”) to hope the guy likes them long enough to be commited to them.Im not saying either are justifiable,just giving you the reasoning behind it all.
it’s a lot more than “just sex”. it’s the status and feeling of validation. a lot of dating is re-enacting childhood trauma. maybe they didn’t get enough attention from their parents and so this is their way of getting that feeling, for example.
I mean it’s not necessarily a “waste,” to us. Unfortunately, some men like the chase. And that’s chase is like a drug, and when we finally get what we want, we don’t want or need it anymore. We move on. I’m not saying this to be mean, I’m just expressing to you how insecure and shameful, stupid, most of us men are. We like the chase.
Okay, I’ll explain it. The problem is with the way dating is skewed. (Talking in general, of course exceptions exist to every rule.)
– The guy iniates with the girl.
– He has to “prove” worthy (make her laugh, be cool, be interesting).
– He has to get her to give him her number.
– Then he has to message her at the right time (not too earlier, not too late).
– He has to set up a date.
– He has to pick the place.
– When he gets there, he has to be a “gentlemen”, open the door for her, pull out her chair, etc.
– He has to repeat the process of being funny, charming, and interesting.
– Then he has to *pay*.
– Repeat this for a few more dates.
– Then he has to make the first move (not too earlier, not too late).
– Then he has to be good in bed (although by this point a lot of guys stop gaf).
And what has he done all this for?……
A woman who wouldn’t have done *10%* of the things on this list to get with him.
I’m not complaining. It’s always said to guys “*that’s just the way it is*, women have more options so they don’t have to do what men do”.
But just the same when it comes to men disappearing after having sex “*that’s just the way it is*”. I’ve long since removed myself from these standard dating roles because I realized if you really want a life partner you have to *expect* as much as you *give*.
> “The whole love bombing, trips, night outs and spending money on someone practically just for sex.”
Are you love bombing him, taking him on trips, night outs, and spending your money on him? No? Then why else would someone do all this for you?
Something to think about.