I (26F) love this guy (30M), who’s an absolute gem of a person and really kind. We have everything great between us but the only problem has been around his family who are dependent on him for everything (money, time etc) and his family has no absolute sense of boundaries and they continue to control him. He’s in a different country and yet they pester him for money for unnecessary stuff etc. I don’t really mind the money part to some extent because they are not financially independent. But what bothers me is that, he’s just moved to a new country and figuring out a lot of things for himself and they are jumping to visit him already (i mean, who does that? Even we haven’t made plans to meet) The problem is, my guy is so used to accomodating all their unreasonable drama and is unable to overcome that and draw boundaries. Though he’s aware he needs to do it. I think it’s not that easy to start laying boundaries especially when it’s your family?!He always continued this relationship with me cos he believed he will be able to cut them out to some extent if he moves to a new country but now he’s not able to and he’s not happy either. Now he really feels that he can’t make me happy cos his family will continue to ruin things for him (wasting his money, not giving him his space etc.) And he says i can’t bring you down cos of all this.
Any advice would help. I really love this guy, but just don’t understand how to work it out.
1 comment
It’s a cultural difference. In Hispanic families is it’s a known thing for them to send money back home, in Asian families it’s the same thing too. Try to understand his perspective. I’m guessing he is very cultured so try to understand his culture or the culture he lived at