How do you deal with angry people?

2 comments

1. If logic fails, let natural selection take its course

2. If the person showing the anger directs it towards someone else, address the person who is the target. Ask them if they are okay. If they are able to deal, ask them if they want you to stay as a witness and follow their lead.

   Keep in mind that there may be more going on than you see in any exchange between two people. They may frequently communicate with each other in hostile ways and resent your interference, even if the exchange appears abusive.

   If the target seems in distress and unable to cope, tell them that you are going to stay. Reassure them that it’s hard to sort things out when someone is this angry. Calmly ask them if they want you to do anything specifically to help (call someone else, walk away with them, etc.)

   If the angry person directs his anger towards you, tell them you can see they are angry and describe the threatening stance. Then, calmly ask them to lower their voice, step back, unclench their fists, relax their face or whatever. Do not stack directives—give them time to comply.

   Tell them you want to hear what they have to say, but only when they are calm. If the person feels they can trust you, you may be able to mediate. Give them space and don’t block the path to the exit.

   Don’t approach the angry person first. Sometimes, a person is just looking for a stage, and you are reinforcing his showmanship. Other times, he needs a place to put his rage, in which case, you become a new target.

   He may be unable to regulate his emotions at this point, so explaining, questioning or demanding anything of them would be about as effective as reasoning with a person under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

   The only exception would be if the angry person gets physical, you are physically able to intercede without aggression (blocking, nonviolent restraint, etc.) and the target is unable to stay safe.

   Above all, stay calm. Show the type of behavior you want to see—not what you are seeing. Interceding when someone is shouting, belittling or threatening in the same way will not make the situation better. Pay attention and document it so that you can be a good, objective witness if asked.