My (25f) boyfriend (30m) and I have been dating for a little over a year. Ive never been in a relationship thats lasted this long or felt as right.We get along very well, have a lot in common blah blah. I really love my bf and we talk about our future, marriage, kids and buying homes a lot more recently now that we’ve hit the one year milestone.
Ive introduced him to my mom and older brother, and they like each other, but so far they are the only people in my family who have expressed any interest in meeting him. Ive brought him up in conversation with my two younger brothers (21m and 16m) and my grandparents but they all seemed like they didnt know how to react, or cautiously disinterested. Im estranged from my father and have been for almost three years now. My younger siblings still live with my dad half the time and I don’t know if the way they are acting about my bf is my fathers influence or if they just dont want another male in their space. They dont ask me questions about bf and mostly seem disinterested. My bf has a degree, a respectable job, a car and a house, hes smart and a good conversationalist, i cant think of any reason they wouldn’t want to meet him even just to see what kind of guy their only sister is dating. I try not to bring him up too often bc I really want my bf and my brothers to get along and I dont want to shove him down their throats.
Part of me feels really jealous thinking of girls who have a dad and brothers who are protective and would want to meet their sister/daughters new boyfriend and see if he’s bad news or dangerous.
I was going to visit my Mom&little bros tomorrow to go sailing in 16m brothers boat and go out to eat at a restaurant. Since I had the day off I thought it would be nice to bring my bf with so my brothers could meet him while doing something fun they enjoy like sailing. I called my mom and she said I should ask 21m if its ok with him that I bring my bf. I text him and he replied,
“oh haha. You could bring mr. John (bf name changed). However, if we’re going sailing it’s kind of hard to bring more than 3-4 people on the boat.”
Which to me sounded like a long way of saying “id rather you didnt” without saying it. The sailboat can fit 6 people, and its supposed to thunderstorm and rain all day tomorrow anyway. I responded that if he wanted me to come alone he doesnt need an excuse, but now I worry I was too pushy because now he isnt responding to my texts. I feel like ive already ruined the day before its even arrived, tomorrow is the only day ive had off in months and now it feels tense and I just want to stay home. But i dont want to punish them for not wanting to include my bf, i just wish they would be interested in the guy im planning to be with untill i die.
I tried googling “siblings dont want to meet my bf” but all I got was results on what to do when your bf doesnt want to meet your family. My bf does want to meet my family but they dont want to meet him.
TL/DR: I asked my brother if he would be alright with me including my bf in a family activity. They don’t want him to come but wont say it outright, and now I feel weird.
3 comments
To be honest, they are probably like that cuz the guy is way older than your brothers and they probably wouldn’t feel to comfortable at first. Just don’t over think it to much, your boyfriend is your family and if family it’s welcome then he should be welcome to. If they like him or not, YOU WILL find out after they meet and interact with each other. I think the problem goes along this lines.
I am certainly not trying to invalidate your feelings at all – it’s okay to feel stressed because you want everyone to get along.
Your brothers are 21 and 16, and they’re probably not even close to the life stage you’re at. To them, it’s probably just some dude coming by; not their future-in-law or your life partner. They’re both still practically teenagers and probably don’t get it.
Tell them it’s important to you and I’m sure they’ll realize what it means to you – good luck!!
I think you’re expecting too much from much younger siblings who may not know that you expect them to want to take an active interest in your dating life for whatever reason.
>They dont ask me questions about bf and mostly seem disinterested. My bf has a degree, a respectable job, a car and a house, hes smart and a good conversationalist,
Why on earth would a 16 year care about any of that? Those are your reasons for dating him. Your brothers have their own lives to worry about.
>Part of me feels really jealous thinking of girls who have a dad and brothers who are protective and would want to meet their sister/daughters new boyfriend and see if he’s bad news or dangerous.
You know that stuff usually goes along with a lot of other controlling behavior, right? And when brothers do it it’s usually a behavior learned from older men in their family? Do you want your estranged father teaching your brothers that you, an entire grown ass adult woman, needs to have her choices vetted for safety?
If you really want their opinions about your boyfriend, make the arrangements for your boyfriend to spend time with your family and then solicit their opinions afterwards. As the older sibling, you need to be the one to put in the legwork in this area.
Edit: spelling