Sexually stuck, difficulty getting and keeping an erection (no problem alone)

34 year old male.

Possible sexual blockage, I’m trying to understand…

I spent the last 10 years with the same woman. She was very shy, bad with her body (even though it was beautiful) and she had experienced sexual trauma before being with me. My sexual experiences with her were therefore rather limited to missionary penetration, I could not touch her vulva and do anything else to her. There has been a lot of massage during these years.

In short, I am now out of this relationship and I want to experience new things.

So I started dating new girls that I find each time very pretty and attractive.

The first time was with a 23 year old girl, extremely pretty, slim, I thought I was dreaming of being in bed with this woman. I was excited but at the same time very uncomfortable, I was stressed that she saw me naked, I was stressed that she was touching my penis, when she started to give me a blowjob, to my surprise, I didn’t didn’t have an erection. This had never happened to me in the past. With my ex I had an erection as soon as our bodies touched, often even when it was not the moment.

Anyway, when I saw that it wasn’t working, I put her on her back in bed and instead I offered to please her and I started touching her and I quietly found what she liked to give her an orgasm. I was happy to explore this woman’s body and figure out how to please her. She even got me a toy. I was happy with the intimate moment, but troubled not to have had an erection.

The next day, I saw a second woman, 35 years old, extremely beautiful, a body to dream about, this woman clearly had experience, the moment went beyond sexuality, we kissed I felt a chemistry between us, I felt comfortable with her. At one point, when she started to give me oral sex, I had an erection, not immediately but after a few seconds, she was doing it so well! In short, we did all kinds of things and it was very intense with her. At some point during the act I lost my erection. For example, while I was fingering her by stimulating her G-spot with one hand and pressing the bottom of her sell with the other hand. She squirted and came several times but it was very physically demanding for me, but I’m a sporty and physically fit person so I liked it that way, but it was almost more like a sport than a sexual and intimate moment. In short, during the penetration also I lost my erection at one point, again the penetration with her was extremely intense, she wanted us to do it very hard and fast. I liked it but I was losing the erection, which caused the condom to come off inside her. In short, I had no ejaculation despite 1h30 of intense sex. After he left I masturbated and ejaculated for like 5 minutes.

So I saw a doctor who thinks I have performance anxiety because I get erections in the morning and can ejaculate when I’m alone, but harder when I’m with a woman.

So I took Viagra 25 mg and reviewed the very intense 35 year old woman. Same result, hard to get erection and sometimes I lose it. The only difference with viagra is that my erection seemed bigger and harder when I got it. So another relationship lasting more than an hour quite intense, I manage to give pleasure to the woman but I have difficulties. During the act, I try to focus on the excitement of seeing her naked rather than the stress of not getting a hard one.

Finally, I saw another woman (I took viagra before the meeting “just in case”), 26 years old, she was very attractive to me physically, small, thin with lots of tattoos. She was different from the other two, very gentle, attentive, I didn’t feel under pressure with her. When we ended up in bed, I started with a massage, and while I was doing it, I felt more turned on by her than the other 2 women. After 30 minutes of massage, we were both very relaxed, sitting in bed, we talked about everything and nothing very stuck and I already had a big erection. She consented to my touching her so I gently and quietly began touching her all over and then slowly massaging her vulva and clitoris. I loved how she stayed calm and just enjoyed the moment. His breathing was getting stronger. While I was touching her she started touching my penis, I kept my erection. So we had both been masturbating for a while, she offered to “put my fingers in it”, I understood that she probably preferred internal (g-spot) stimulation rather than only external one so I gently started this action. First by doing the “comes here” movement with one finger, then possibly a second finger. So I started giving her the stimulation like the other 35-year-old woman had taught me to do, one hand pressing down on the base of her belly, the other hand “rock on” with two fingers in hook in her vagina which stimulates her G-spot quite vigorously. I made sure by her body language and asking her if it was okay that she was OK with what I was doing to her. Because I know it’s pretty intense and I didn’t want to hurt him. She told me it was okay and she seemed to be enjoying it a lot, she was breathing very hard, she seemed to be in her bubble, her head back, she was holding my hand which weighed on her belly at the same time. I continued until she started to close her legs and started having contractions all over her body. I felt like she was having a seizure. In short, she had had a fairly large orgasm I think. But for my part, this action which lasted some time made me hot and I lost my erection. Anyway, when she recovered from her orgasm, we talked and exchanged affection, but there was nothing more sexual. This woman contacted me because she would like to see me again.

So in short, I kind of feel stuck. I want to live new pleasant and satisfying experiences. I want to be able to have a complete sexual experience (foreplay, penetration, orgasm)… I’m happy to gain experience and discover the bodies of new women, but I would like to be able to live a full experience with them. I do not understand what is blocking and why even viagra does not work.

**Why am I having trouble getting an erection and keeping it? Impossible for me to ejaculate even if she does very good things to me while I have an erection for a very long time.**

**Why I didn’t have this problem with my ex, with her I had an erection super quickly and when we made love often I ejaculated much too quickly (a few minutes).**

I only see two differences between my ex and other women. The first is that I had romantic feelings for my ex. The second difference is that with her, I didn’t care at all to give her pleasure, because she didn’t allow me to do anything to her (no right to touch her vulva, no oral sex, no positions other than missionary). So the intimate moment was extremely simple. I wasn’t happy with my sex life with her, but I accepted it that way, she had her struggles and I never tried to change her or ask for more from her.