I am in a financial service field in a culturally diverse team and I’m in a dilemma. A fairly new coworker (33F) is draining my mental and social energy. I am generally a patient person and willing to help others because I empathize with the struggle of being new as I was also new a little over a year ago, but I feel like I am losing my patience. For this post I will only be mentioning her social behavior.
To build background, a thing to note is that English is not her first language (she came to the US 12+ years ago). When she first started we actually were fairly close and would chat outside after work and she is a nice hearted person.
Here is a list of things to build the image: she constantly chews and also talks with her mouth open beyond full, talks loudly and obnoxiously laugh in the office, her stomach will accidentally slip and hangs out of her shirt and for some reason she does not notice and will walk around exposed, interjects in every conversation and then wants us to stop and explain every detail just for her, asks nosey questions and makes random comments, does not recognize personal space…..just to name a few. Besides the point about her talking too much I tried to subtly hint at everything else by mentioning professionalism in the office, but that went over her head.
This has gotten to the point where I am embarrassed and honestly feel bad for her because of her lack of awareness and I can tell she makes anyone she talks to uncomfortable. Every time I interact with her I get the ick now. Since we are on the same team and are both women, is it my place to directly address some of the more “fixable” behaviors? I don’t want to do it to be hurtful but some of these behaviors are just ridiculous from a coworker and maybe she really does not realize and needs to hear it. But at the same time I am almost 10 years younger and do not feel like it’s my responsibility to say this to a grown woman. But also at the same time her behavior is making me uncomfortable and as selfish as it sounds, don’t I also deserve to be comfortable at work too?
This isn’t even half of it and I can’t believe I am making a post like this but any comment, advice, or anecdote is greatly appreciated.
2 comments
I really don’t think it’s your responsibility to point things out to her. If there’s dress code and her behaviour falls in the category of unprofessional, then you can bring it up with management. Sounds like she’s not particularly self-aware, so not sure how much potential for change is there.
I think either she is totally dumb (in which case you should just try to ignore her as much as possible), or she is doing this purposefully (in which case you need to let the management know).