Husbands coworker called him when she knew I was out on vacation at 10:30PM

12 comments

1. I think you two should hang out with her… especially you. I think you can make nice comments about her love life so that she is kindly aware you know what she is sending your husband and that her troubled princess stick won’t work in your castle. Then do mean face with your fingers pointing at your eyes and then her and then back to you…. T post when you around him as well..

   okay some good advice & some bad.

   He hasn’t done anything to make you not trust him so you have to believe his word at this point unless there is something else you aren’t telling the class.

   I think a good play for you would also be, ask your husband to send your phone number to her so if she has relationship advice you can help her and that he isn’t the best at giving relationship advice. If that doesn’t work then he needs to say, hey I am uncomfortable talking about relationship advice with other women because thats how I was raised but if you have a bf that wants to talk to me I can try my best with what I know. He needs to set that boundary with her and keep things professional while her personal life is spiraling

2. Get the book “not just friends “ by Shirley Glass you and your husband read it ASAP

   Your husband needs hard limits on work relationships.this girl absolutely should never be calling him about relationship advice.

3. I’ll get downvoted. I don’t care. This needs said.

   So do you have his phone tracked on who calls him and when? Has he ever given you reason to mistrust him or is that just how you plan to spend your marriage monitoring his phone? He read the text to you in the beginning. He is inviting her to meet you and other friends. He’s not hiding anything. Is it okay to have the exact same 16 minute conversation if it was a few hours earlier?

   You need to stop making excuses and baseless accusations and just tell your husband that he’s not allowed to have female friends or talk to a female outside your presence.

4. I had the same issue shortly after we got married. Girls would text him through the night + he would reply if he went out for a smoke or first thing the following morning. I feel I’m pretty laid back and have put up with alot of shit sometimes. I know he loves me but it really annoyed me looking at the times of the msgs they sent him when they knew he is my man. I made him tell them it wasn’t okay. Now we live in America + our family and friends are Australia so our phones can go off around the clock so I’ve let it go bc people can forget time zones

5. I think your feelings are valid because they’re your feelings. This might be unpopular advice, but I think that if this makes you uncomfortable, that matters. At the very least, it matters enough to ask your husband to sit down with you and hear how you feel.

   This conversation does not have to be accusatory since it doesn’t sound like he’s done anything wrong, and he was smart enough to ask you what he should say when she texted for advice! But nevertheless, all I can say is that if it were ME, because of my personality, I’d tell my husband something like, “hey I know you’re completely innocent here, but it hurts me when this other woman reaches out to you for relationship advice and emotional support. I feel a little jealous and uncomfortable with her lack of boundaries. I know nothing bad has happened, but I just don’t want her on my Instagram, and I don’t want to hang out with her. Also, I’d like her to get her emotional needs met somewhere else, so maybe you can avoid responding to her in the evening hours and avoid getting into her personal life?”

   Honestly, my husband being who he is would get it, and he’d reduce that communication down. He is pretty empathetic toward my feelings. I could imagine him being defensive if I made it sound like I thought he was in the wrong, but once I made it clear that this was about my feelings, he’d hear me out. He might also see her behavior as a boundary crossing thing – he’s pretty perceptive.

   I mean, I can’t imagine texting a married coworker just because he used to work with my boyfriend’s dad. That’s kind of a stretch. 😂 She can talk to someone else about her love life.

   Also, your husband does NOT need to help her find a new boyfriend! That’s not part of his job description. 😐 I think he’s getting a bit carried away there.

   Again, maybe an unpopular opinion, but I just think as his wife your feelings are #1 here, and his coworker can find her boyfriends and recover from her breakups somewhere else. Some people are more OK with this kind of thing, but you aren’t, and that’s completely fine. That being said, it doesn’t sound like anything is going on with the coworker – I just don’t think you have to pretend to be friends with her and pretend to be OK with her leaning on your husband for relationship help.

6. He’s going to or is having an affair. Might be emotional at this point but it’s going to heat up soon. Take action

7. How do you know she called him at 10:30pm for 16 minutes? That is oddly specific.

   Anyway, I assume if you think your husband is just a nice guy and he doesn’t know how to shut down her inappropriate contact? That is what I am getting from your post. Honestly, when we were younger, my husband was the same. Well, he is still the same, just older and grumpier now. But he had no idea how to tell when people were crossing a line because he was naive to the fact that not all people are just genuine good people. So there were a few women he worked with that would contact him and we had to have a frank conversation about how they know he is married and their contact makes no sense. There are tons of other people they could call and they choose you, why do you think that is? So the next time one called, he said, “you know I am not sure, let me ask (my wife).” And started talking to me because obviously I was right there. That girl immediately started treating him differently, the next day. He started having these types of responses and the girls stopped asking him for dating advice. Because they don’t want advice from a married man’s wife, they don’t want advice at all. They want someone to feel sorry for them and to comfort them.

8. None of the is your husbands responsibility. Tell her to download tinder. To me it’s weird that they have to hang out with you to get a new partner. This is too much investment in another persons dating life. I wouldn’t even make it my best friend’s responsibility to find me a boyfriend.

9. Ok I think they are either both manipulating eachother or just the woman, grief and emotions tend to have us confide in others but it can turn codependent quickly, you need to control this quickly, I actually think there’s no intentions of your husband but he is risking things that he shouldn’t be and it could be to get a bit of excitement going.

10. Look, OP.

    You’re acting like his MOTHER for God’s sakes. Your husband has to grow a damned set of testicles and start **acting** like a married man.

    Either your husband RESPECTS you enough to put you first because he **wants** to (and not because his mommy-wife TOLD him to), or he doesn’t respect you enough.

    And if he doesn’t respect you enough to do that, then why are you even bothering with him?

11. I’ll be honest. You seem extremely insecure. Does your husband have any female friends? Did he, before he met you?

    You admit that your husband doesn’t talk about her any more than other coworkers. He also read/showed you the text he got at 8pm and asked for your input. He’s being extremely forthcoming, and you don’t mention a history of him hiding things from you which I’m sure you would mention if he did.

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    >But I was out of town this past weekend and she follows me on Instagram. **And I noticed she called my husband at 10:30 pm Saturday talked for 16 min.**

    This is bizarre phrasing. Did your husband offer this information or did you check this independently (phone records, phone snooping)?

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    >That was the last on the conversation. **Should I follow up on this**. I love my husband and he’s loving and kind. I don’t want to cause problems or arguments. **But I also don’t want this to become a problem.**

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    What is there to follow up on? Why would it become a problem?

12. Eh why is she confiding in your husband about a guy he doesn’t know?

    And no one would buy that they talked on the phone after 10pm on a Saturday about “work stuff”. That doesn’t happen unless he’s working a job with odd hours and is that persons boss and it’s urgent. This is getting into weird territory and it’s okay to be uncomfortable with it. She needs to talk to her friends about personal things and your husband needs to not give in to whatever she’s trying to do here.

    it’s 100% on your husband to ignore this shit or tell her to cut it out. If they’re good friends, he needs to tell her to work out that shit with her bf and not involve outside people unless it’s abuse related, or to break up with him. It’s manipulative as hell to complain about a SO and how awful they are to other people who don’t know much about the relationship.