First time was when he ignored me all day. I called him upset because he promised he’ll put more effort. We fought because I found out he was lying to me. He kept asking if I was going to come over and that he’s not going to argue over the phone and hung up. I ended up going to his place after he wouldn’t pick any of my calls. When I get there, he tells me to lay down and go to sleep. I refused and told him I’m not here to sleep. I ended up sitting next to him telling him how I feel and he ignored me again. I gave up, laid down and told him that he wins, like he would ever try to put more effort.

Then he starts grabbing me, touching me and starts to pull my pants down. I usually always give in but this time it felt like he was just making a joke out of me. I told him to stop and how dare he think he could touch me. He then goes down to put his tongue in my butt which he knows I’m not comfortable with receiving oral. I push him off and hit him, and then he puts his fingers inside. It hurt so bad and I couldn’t get him to stop. I tried not to scream but I begged him to stop. He said if he stops I can never bring up the stuff I found out and that I have to let it go. I ended up apologizing and agreeing. I went to sleep.

The next time we had sex, he told me he wanted to cum in my ear. I told him no but when he was close he climbed over me. I was laying on my stomach and he held my arms with his knees and legs. I told him please dont and he told me to shut up b-. And then he did and he smeared allover my ear hair and face. I felt so stupid. I showered and then he asked me whats wrong. I told him its because he finished in my ear when I told him not to three times. He acted surprised and said he didn’t hear that.

The other time we had sex, he shoved my face down and I kept telling him I couldn’t breathe. I have a traumatic past of being suffocated which he knows. I swear I was loud and telling him I couldn’t breathe. He didn’t stop until he finished. When I finally caught my breath I started crying. I felt so stupid again but I didn’t let him see me cry.

I can’t tell if he’s doing it because he thinks I like it. Or he has other motives. Each time, I act like nothing happen or ever bring it up.

50 comments

  3. He’s raping you and is super abusive. Rough sex is one thing, but if you don’t have a safe word then no means no and he isn’t interested in consensual sex. I tend to try to give people the benefit of the doubt, like, maybe he thinks he’s doing what you love and doesn’t understand how to do BDSM with actual consent. But you know… I have a very hard time giving him that benefit, and it sounds like a living nightmare to be with him.

    The part that really removes basically and doubt for me is him suffocating you. One, because he could have killed you, and two, because he knew the trauma you have.

    I think he’s abusive and you should get out.

    If you don’t decide to leave (i hope you do though). At the very least you need to make sure he understands what you do and don’t like and make a safeword, and if he doesn’t want to do a safword or ignores it, don’t bother questioning his intent, it’s bad, and you need to run for your life.

  4. You need to tell someone you trust you are in an abusive relationship and need help leaving. He is slowly pushing your boundaries further and further. This will continue to escalate until you leave or he ends up in jail.

  5. wow I’m not even going to comment on whether I think this is real or not but it has gotta be the most made up sounding thing I’ve ever read lmao…

    in case real….. leave?? you’re being physically abused

  6. He has literally raped you multiple times. Do you want that to continue? Because it will, and it will get worse.

  7. That’s genuine sexual assault and it seems like he thinks you’re too stupid to tell the difference when you obviously aren’t. And I’m sure if you told him he was raping you he’d find any way to make himself the victim in his eyes. I’m so sorry this happened to you and you seriously need to get out of this relationship fast. From personal experience they never truly change and it always comes out worse and worse every time they ” break down” or “fuck up”. He likes hurting you in ways that cause you genuine unpleasant pain because he’s fucking sick in the head. Again I’m so sorry Hun

  8. This all sounds so horrible and he is definitely being abusive.

    Poor you 😩 none of this is ok and you deserve better.

    I don’t believe you would ever think it’s ok if a friend’s boyfriend treated them like this? So why on earth are you staying with someone who does this to you?

    He 100% hears you and knows what he is doing. He doesn’t care, he wants to hurt you.

    Please don’t stay with someone who abuses you, it is only going to get worse.

    You are absolutely not imaging he is bad, you are under reacting!

  9. Come on !!! You keep going back ?? Why ? Does he have money 💰 does he pay your bills
    We can tell he doesn’t have no respect for you he treats you worse than a prostitute and then you stay there crying and let him finger you and fuck you!!! 🤬
    You have to be enjoying it or you’re just a stupid for staying with that shit do you have any kids with him? And if not get the fuck out of there and if you do get the fuck out of there what are you doing?? You’re young there’s 1 million other men out there that would treat you so much better why would you stay in that treatment??

  10. To hell with red flags, this is an entire red curtain with the words “I AM A RAPIST” printed across it.

    Good rough sex and BDSM is all about clear consent, respect, and boundaries. It isn’t just “partner does whatever they want without any regard for my wellbeing or boundaries”.

    You say he has broken up with you before. Considering these incidents and the repeated gaslighting you’re describing, this is all just seeing to what extent you’ll keep letting him abuse you and how far he can go. You need to get out.

  12. Leave!!!! Wtf is wrong with you leave this crazy dude! The more you stick around the more he feels he can push his boundaries. He’s a fucking psycho. Run!

  13. This is rape. This is psychological, sexual and emotional abuse. You are in abusive relationship and you need to acknowledge that.

    You are making excuses for him. You tell him to not do things and he does exactly and specifically what you tell him not to. He manipulates you by ignoring you. This is very much on purpose and calculated to break you. He continues to push your boundaries further and further. You are not stupid. He is gaslighting you and abusing you mentally, Sexually, emotionally and physically.

    PLEASE Pack up your things and leave him today before the violence and abuse continues to escalate. Block him on everything. Warn your mutual friends about what is happening. Please reach out to your friends/family for help.

    Please contact RAINN to help you process this and for resources. http://www.RAINN.org

  14. This is sexual assault to me. Talk sense into him or leave this situation because this will only get worse..take care.

  15. Talk to someone in your environment about this. I am guessing your young, so in case you are in your teens: go to someone older – A parent, neighbor, teacher. In case you are a little older: tell a friend. Sometimes you really find out that something is fucked up when you tell someone else.
    Now you said you have been in an abuse relationship before, but abuse can look very different each time. Usually it is progressive, so if he is indeed abusive you can only expect things to get worse, but simultaneously he would try to make you more unsure about your judgement and so you still might not leave. Just.be safe and really think about what you want to do.

  16. You are literally trying to cope so fucking hard, you’re in an abusive relationship, you’re also quite naive

  18. Sorry. You were sexually assaulted. You may not see it.

    But you were clear you didn’t want to fool around. You said how dare you think you can touch me. Then he jabs three fingers inside you, and wouldn’t stop until you promised to do what he wanted, and under the duress that he has some secret of yours you don’t want exposed.

    That’s sexual assault. That’s not rough play that may have gone too far.

  19. break up with him immediately, this man rapes you and doesnt care what you want or like, if he did he wouldve stopped when you said no.

  22. You seem to be describing sexual assault. You should probably tell someone you trust before this escalates further.

  24. No no no. This is all wrong. Run from this guy. He’s raping you, gaslighting you, abusing you. RUN

  25. This sounds like a dysfunctional relationship at best and an abusive one at worst. It seems like you don’t feel safe communicating with him and he doesn’t seem like a safe person to communicate with. If he was doing this stuff because he thought you liked it, he would be checking in with you to see if you were still okay, or discuss having a safe word. I think you need to get out of this relationship and talk to someone about what is going on, someone who can help you exit the situation.

  26. You need to leave. You didn’t consent to any of that so it’s abuse. Any decent man would stop/make sure he knew your boundaries first. Especially as you have trauma and he’s not being considerate of those.
    You didn’t state what he was lying about, but that’s also a red flag, like why is he lying?! Overall he doesn’t sound like a nice person and is mentally and physically abusing you. I know it’s hard when you have feelings, but try to be strong and leave. Or get some help to leave. There are people who will respect you and listen to you.

  28. You need to get out of this relationship. Everything you sais sounds like either rape or sexual assault.

  29. Sweetie, you’re justifying an abusive behaviour. I’m into rough and to me sounds like rape. If you two don’t have a safe word, he should **always** listen to your ‘no’s and always check even if you say it’s fine. He should be **always** looking for _confirmation_ that you’re okay!

    Him ignoring how you feel, behaving in a way that enhances past trauma and ignoring your pain and discomfort is clearly a sign that he doesn’t care about you the slightest. You’re apologising when you’re feeling violated – you should never do that.

    You need to be the first and most important person to validate your feelings and seek safety. You’re putting too much trust on him and diminishing yourself in the process. He isn’t worthy of you, take some time for yourself and figure out what type of person you want to be intimate and vulnerable with.

  32. I’m so sorry. He knows what he is doing and he is doing it on purpose. I’ve been in a similar situation and it only gets worse, please leave him and get counseling. You can have rough sex with a respectful and caring partner who won’t treat you like this.

  33. Friend. None of what you just wrote is ok. He’s not respecting your boundaries regardless of if it’s a joke to him or not. He’s HURTING you.

  34. What the actual fuck! This is so fucking sad please don’t allow yourself to be disrespected and abused like that anymore.

  35. That does not sound like he cares weather or not you like it.. it seems like he could care less how you feel about it… If you keep allowing him to do that jes gonna keep doing it. How long have gou guys been together… Cause me and my partner have been together about a year and i would not feel comfortable at all doing anu of those things to her if she says no or or stop i do just that… Thats considered rap otherwise

  37. Safe words should be agreed upon before the experience of dom/ sub is ever initiated. He seems to not respond, which is not supposed to happen. I would say that he’s not respecting you.

    So have a meeting out in public, like on a park bench, when there is no expectations that it’d be immediately followed by sex. Stand firm on the boundaries YOU set. If not followed to a T, then leave, and never look back.

  38. This man is a rapist. Trust yourself, stop making excuses from him. He’s not doing this because he thinks its what you want. He absolutely does remember the things he’s pretending not to.
    He is raping you, and abusing you.
    Please, do everything you can to get out of this relationship.

  40. Some guys think when a lady says NO, she means YES. Therefore you have to make your point clear enough the next time you have sex and if he gets too rough for your liking, push him off. Bite him if you have to. Let him know enough is enough.

  41. please op, like everyone’s saying here, please leave! what he is doing to you is rape. stop making excuses for him.

  42. I am sorry you are going through this. This is harassment. If I was you I would leave immediately. Nothing will improve trust me

  44. I was in a relationship like that when I was younger and I would excuse his behavior the same way you do.
    You’re right to feel uncomfortable and violated.
    He doesn’t sound like the kind of person you should try to work it out with.
    Please consider leaving him, you deserve way better, even if you think you won’t find anyone better. That’s a lie.

  45. The reason he doesn’t want you to say anything about what he’s doing to you, which is because you’re being raped! Like EVERYONE else has said here.

    LEAVE HIS HOUSE , GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND
    CALL THE COPS ON HIS ASS NEVER GO BACK.

  46. OP he knows what he is doing is hurtful and abusive. You don’t use sex, rough sex as a negotiating tactic to excuse bad behavior. He was hurting you! Leave him. The abusive neglectful person you see right now is who he really is. He won’t get better unless it is to love bomb you to stay and take more abuse. Please leave and seek therapy because you aren’t recognizing the red flags and you really really need to.

  47. Is there such thing as weaponized emotional unavailability? I feel like I keep seeing, hearing, and experience stories where one person tries to express how they feel multiple times and the other person just ignores them or brushes them off until they’re forced to just give up.

  48. Man idgaf if people wanna say “oh no you cant shame someone’s preferences Yada Yada” all that bull to try and act like what you’re doing is ok. Let me be real fucking clear a person who wants to cum in your fucking ear wants to harm you. Cum doesn’t go there. Ears are delicate. Wtf this guy is garbage.

  50. Seriously this is sexual abuse. He was likely sexually abused as a child, and this is why he is acting so confused when confronted about it. Please get help and get out.

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