My girlfriend doesn’t have the best personal hygiene, she’ll go days without showering. The other day she was changing and I saw that she had the same panties as the day before on. In my head I literally told myself “I’m not giving her head today” and when we started getting sexy she asked me to and I just did because I don’t want to make her feel bad but like dude really. We’re both pretty insecure, I know if my girlfriend said that to me I’d feel completely gross and unattractive, and I don’t want to make her feel like that, however I would also never wear the same pair of underwear for multiple days in a row without showering and then ask her to give me head.
Does this seem just disrespectful to anybody else? Especially since she very rarely will give me head, and prefers giving head in the shower because it’s cleaner, even though I shower everyday and literally wash my penis in the sink every time I use the bathroom if I think we’re going to get sexy, I can’t get the same respect?
36 comments
That’s just bad hygiene and you need to adress it.
Like, I really like you, but it’s not great to lick a pussy that wasn’t showered for days. Also it’s considered normal to change your panties daily.
Suggest taking a shower before sex.
You could say that you’d like to take a shower before and ask her to join you. That way you’re not calling her out on it directly but still get the desired result.
If you take care of your hygiene and are thinking about her feelings, then she should definitely be doing the same. It is a respect thing. She also shouldn’t expect head all the time if she’s not returning the favor. The subject of personal hygiene can be hard, but this is a conversation that needs to be had. I hope this helps.
>Especially since she very rarely will give me head, and prefers giving head in the shower because it’s cleaner
Great, she’s had her preference stated and respected, and you of course get to do the same. “Oral only after a shower.”
Your framing of this issue as “a lack of respect” is interesting. People have different ideas about what respect means and how people show respectful behaviour. You obviously have “cleaning genitals for my partner” as a sign of respect. She probably doesn’t. She probably has other things like “treat my partner with kindness as a sign of respect” or whatever. Framing this as her not respecting you is probably not helpful at all. For all we know, she respects you more than anyone else, she just doesn’t link clean genitals with respect. You’re building resentment over something you don’t even know is true. In therapy, they’d say you’re connecting two ideas that aren’t necessarily connected: Clean genitals = respect. Another common one is “If he loved me, he would perform x sexual act.”
I would suggest that you try approaching the subject indirectly but so that the message is unambiguous. The next time she suggests you give her head, say okay but let’s shower together first. Even if you don’t need to shower.
Hopefully, she will take the hint. If she throws a fit, well, at least you can tell yourself that you did your best that you tried to be as subtle as circumstances allow and that the reaction wasn’t going to be any better no matter how you approached it.
You can use the opportunity to ask her why she doesn’t change her underwear more regularly and why she doesn’t shower more often. You can tell her how grateful you will be if she does. A little ingratiation can go a long way as long as it is received in the right mood. You don’t tell her what’s wrong, you tell her what’s right.
One hundred percent tell her to wash her pussy every day. I can’t even imagine this tbh. Who doesn’t wash for days, wears the same underwear, expects to get head, and says she only wants to give head in the shower cause it’s cleaner?! I wouldn’t go near her crotch if I was you.
Same as her
Hey i’m not going to give you head unless we shower first.
What’s good for her is good for you
She’s being gross and I think disrespectful. She wants you to be clean, however thinks she doesn’t have to be.
Tell her that her habits are not okay and she needs to make more of an effort hygiene wise.
Is it possible that you can talk to her about it without relating it to sex? So what I mean is, instead of bringing it up before or after sex, bring it up on a random time like after dinner when you’re watching TV. So hopefully it won’t make her insecure around sex? I would say something like “hey honey I was wondering if you’re feeling depressed lately, because I have noticed your not taking as good of care of your self as you should”?
Personally I couldn’t date somebody who didn’t shower every day. It’s uncomfortable for me to even type this conversation. LOL🤷🏻♀️
Be plain spoken. It’s not easy at first but it beats beating around the bush …when (if you were honest and kind) you could just dive right in head first!🤪
She needs to be told. Sure you can get out of it once or twice by doing what some of these comments suggested but you can’t look for excuses forever. Someone needs to tell her.
It’s not disrespectful, she’s just a little clueless. It would be disrespectful if you had told her you preferred her clean and she didn’t wash and demanded head. If you haven’t talked to her about hygiene, how would she know how you feel?
I had this conversation with my wife a long time ago. The issue wasn’t nearly this extreme, she showers daily, but she wasn’t quite getting everything clean. Consequently, I avoided going down on her for literally years. But I really wanted to, so I finally got up the nerve to talk to her about it. It was uncomfortable and I know she was embarrassed, but she upped her hygiene game and I’ve rewarded her by going down on her every time we have sex. I actually think having that discussion increased our intimacy, however uncomfortable it was at the time.
I think we all have to realize that we can’t stick our own noses in our own crotches, so we don’t really know how we smell to our partners.
Also, if she responds that the vagina is self-cleaning, she’s confusing the vagina (the inside part) with the vulva (the outside part). The vulva should be washed just like any other skin.
Say: it tastes delicious when its freshly cleaned
Singing Telegram. You’ll still suffer the wrath, but not immediately.
I love love love having my face in my womans ass Favorite thing in the world. I rarely want to have sex without that foreplay first. BUT, I am all about clean ass.
Years ago, she asked why do you always ask me to shower before sex. I just said “Hun, whats my FAVORITE thing to do to you”, and she immediately said “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and has never had an issue with a pre-sex shower again,
I also told her, I will get one too if thats your requirement, 🙂
If someone hugged me/kissed me and said “I really wanna lick you… Can you wash?” I don’t think I’d be offended. Maybe a bit embarrassed but I’d make sure to wash from then on
I am what most people consider a sloppy girl. I will wear panties 2 days in a row if I feel lazy. I also will forgo showering over the weekend when I’m not going anywhere.
But I also am meticulous if I plan on having sex, and I encourage my partners to do it too.
My only suggestion is to approach it like part of the foreplay. Encouraging some pre-sex showering together where you get to touch her and clean her as part of the sexy time prep. Turn it into dirty talk or ask her to “go clean up so I can set the bed” or whatever. Make cleaning each other or the act of cleaning up part of your sex routine. This makes it less about “you’re dirty” and more about “let’s get clean together to make the sexy times better”.
This has to be bait for “reverse the roles” argument. And damm did they nail it lol.
I would prefer that we shower before we have sex
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doesnt have to be that hard
Some advice on how to go about addressing sensitive topics with your significant others:
You absolutely need to communicate. BUT, do not broach the subject during the event. Instead, take some time during the day that is not particularly romantically charged to bring it up.
It’ll still sting, but…
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to go down on you right now. You haven’t showered and have been wearing dirty panties all day.”
…hits VERY differently than…
“Is it alright if I ask that you to take a shower and put on some clean clothes if you want to get frisky later that day? I’m so into you, but cleaning up first would really help put me in the mood.”
EDIT: Also, attempt to not bring up specific examples. That can sound accusatory. Keep it general. “I’ve noticed that sometimes…”. If pressed, “I’d rather not cite specific examples, because that just feels like shaming. Let’s focus on our future, not rehashing the past.”
I get trying to spare her feelings but what youre putting yourself through is also unthinkable. Its absolutely unacceptable that you are forcing yourself to suffer through that and is equally ridiculous that she expects it when her standards when doing it to you are so high. Be fair to yourself. Good hygiene is a reasonable expectation in a relationship. Given that she expects the same from you and insists on giving you head in the shower, its obvious that she is aware that when one isnt freshly showered things arent always clean down there and expecting you to do it knowing that fact indicates a clear back of respect towards you in that regard. It shows in my opinion, a selfish nature. Your silence may be being viewed as weakness in this case. Her not showering daily and still having sex shows she has gotten too comfortable living in a situation where she makes the absolute minimum of efforts and she can be confident that you will not only be silent and do what she asked but that you will continue to do so. That lack of respect should make you question a lot. I have to wonder if this behaviour is in other aspects of your relationship and you are yet to realise it. Personally I couldnt stand for that. And neither should you.
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edit: honestly after looking at your previous posts, i really think you need to reconsider this relationship.
Yuck! I cannot fathom having this level of poor hygiene, but to do that and ask someone to go down on you?! Never. I’m not letting someone go down on me if I haven’t showered that day, and Ideally in the last few hours.
You can try to avoid hurting her feelings by suggesting you both take a shower as foreplay before getting intimate, but if she doesn’t take the bait, you’ll need to be tactfully blunt.
Does her bad hygiene possibly result from something else, like depression or low self esteem? It’s not unusual for someone to go without showering for days when they are depressed. I tend to personally forget to shower because I try to ignore my body’s existence due to trying to deal with low self esteem. If you feel it might be connected to some mental issues of hers then definitely try to address those issues first and foremost instead of immediately jumping straight into her poor hygiene.
I could *never* imagine letting my husband plant his face between my thighs if I haven’t showered that day. Fucking hell. Like, even if you’re not a sweaty person, you need to clean yourself up.
OP, it isn’t like she’s unaware of body odor since she took issue with yours. Is she perhaps under some stupid assumption that “girls don’t sweat/aren’t stinky!”? Because sadly I’ve heard that one before. Either way, if she is aware enough to ask you to be clean because she doesn’t like sweaty dick then she can handle you telling her she needs to be clean because you don’t want sweaty pussy. And yes, I agree it’s disrespectful as hell. She can tell you to shower but won’t do so herself? It’s just gross. And rude.
Find a time when you aren’t having sexy time and you’re both pretty relaxed and in good moods. A good mood makes it easier to receive information sometimes. Then bring it up. “Hey babe, you know how you don’t like to give me head unless I’ve just showered or we are in the shower? Well, I’d really like to apply the same to you. I love your fresh taste right out of the shower and it makes me even more turned on.” If she takes offense then you can double down. “Look honey, I didn’t mean to offend you. I love you. But because I love you I’m also not going to lie to you. I do not enjoy going down on you if you have not showered recently. I’m sorry if that upsets you. I really don’t mean it to be hurtful. I just do not want to be dishonest with you and I don’t want to do something I’m not comfortable doing. I hope you can understand.”
Just say “I want/will go down on you. I’d like you to shower before” and see how it goes.
I’ll take 5 showers for a blow at this point in my life. 😂
🛀🛀🛀🛀🛀
Get a new girlfriend. Isn’t this a major turnoff?
Ask for a together shower as a foreplay.. Or bathtub time without hurting her
This is your partner. You get to be interested and invested in her hygiene. If you’re putting your mouth on genitals, you get a say in them being washed correctly and frequently.
Personally I’d just tell her. You can be honest and positive at the same time. Ask her if you two can have a conversation about hygiene and from there tell her you’d love to go down on her more often but you don’t feel comfortable unless she’s practicing a certain level of hygiene.
Aight here’s my experience. My partner has only been with/gone down on me. He tried and just really doesn’t like it. I’m perfectly healthy, it’s just a taste thing for him.
The best thing he did was be honest. “Hey I want to make you feel good, but I just don’t like the taste/smell” kind of thing. In my case, it was a little different because I can’t fix that. It didn’t hurt my feelings too badly because he made up for it in other ways – he put in the effort.
I’d suggest sitting her down OUTSIDE of sex and saying that you love her and want to please her, but going down on her when she isn’t clean down there is 1) a turnoff, and 2) not pleasant in general. If she isn’t willing to change her bathing habits, then offer other ways to please her.
If she’s particularly sensitive to your criticism (even though you’re totally justified in my eyes), I’d say mention how it isn’t that she isn’t “freshly cleaned”, it’s that she’s not sanitary and clean in an average way.
“Honey, you know how you like to only go down on me in the shower because it’s cleaner? I’d like the same, please.”
If she presses it, then just tell her. But most people would figure it out….
When she asks for head, “You know, I’ve been thinking about it and I think you’re right. I would prefer to go down on you in the shower because, like you say, it’s cleaner. I think we should make your rule our standard.”
does…. does she not smell herself? that’s really nasty
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
As a dude, I for real will just shutdown if someone tries to give me head or initiates when they know I haven’t showered because I have no clue as to my status down there. Yeah no that’s hella weird dude, especially because I’m on the same page with the pp sink cleaning maneuver.