I don’t want any of the status quo “Communication” “never go to bed angry” stuff.
TLDR; My (25f) husband (26m) are approaching our 4 year anniversary (together almost 7) and it’s starting to just feel.. stale?
We have no kids and don’t want any. We have an equal partnership and he is my best friend and the person I want to grow old with. We go on dates and have deep conversations. We communicate our emotions and regulate together. Have similar sex drives. We’re the “idyllic” couple of our friend circle, the kind of partnership they all say they want. We’re the ones they come to for advice. It feels like the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m grateful every day that I get to be by his side.
So why am I so bored? Does this pass? Come in waves? Is it okay to just “tough it out”, or am I missing something?
Edit: added TLDR because it’s wordy
6 comments
Have you tried new things that aren’t the status quo? In the bedroom, out of the bedroom? Sexual, non sexual? I’ve found that the same thing day in and day out with my wife will feel stale very quick. You’d be amazed how the slightest variation from your normal routine will fire up your desire.
If you’re working a traditional full time office job, life gets pretty routine. We work to live our way on the weekends those couple weeks we get for vacation each year.
In between, you have to find ways to make it fun. Inside jokes. Pranks. Games. Projects. There’s ways, but it takes effort. You’ve got a good foundation that you could tweak to make it more interesting.
Life is boring. People aren’t boring unless we take them for granted. Think of all the good memories and all the things you’re grateful for about your partner. Do fun things together, especially socially: dinner with friends, park with friends, etc.
What makes me choose her day after day? After 40 years it’s long been a part of my being.
But I do know that the opposite of love is not hate. No, the opposite of love is indifference and that’s a dangerous place to go. We put things on autopilot. We take our partner for granted, assuming there’s always another tomorrow to show some care and concern. And yet the truth is, for some couples, tomorrow never comes. Things happen and lives can change in an instant. And the survivor is left with deep regret
So you want it fresh and exciting, yes? We all do and it’s possible. But getting there is on you two. No one else is going to make it happen.
There are two key concepts to help on that which I’d like to pass along, and [I put them in this comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/usd52a/people_in_happy_marriages_give_me_your_top_tip_to/i931q2u/) not too long ago.
How is life in general? Maybe something is missing that has nothing to with the relationship at all. We’re taught to expect a good relationship to provide total contentment.
I think social media has totally blown what “life” is out of proportion and created an unrealistic view of what happiness/life/relationships etc should be.
The reality of it is that daily life is boring, it’s what you make it and *it’s ok to feel and be content*. You dont always have to be gallivanting around the world, doing exciting things, jumping off mountains, exploring new countries etc for life/your relationship to be “exciting”. You age, you change, your relationship dynamics change and that’s ok. It’s ok to slow down and be content to just take a pause in life, sit back and watch. Change what needs to be changed but when you stop keeping up with the joneses, things are much better in life. Continue to make memories with the ones you love – diners, dates, travel etc but also know that sitting quietly with your spouse during a movie is also a memory that you make…just being together is a privilege.