I (36M) am getting a divorce from my wife because she was unfaithful to me.
One of the incidents I know about involved my wife (33F) going out with a friend ‘A’ (about the same age and also F) and ending up in a nightclub, hammered and totally out of character. My wife confessed that she exchanged numbers with a random dude and when he messaged her for like a week after asking her out, she said ‘maybe’. Wife also said her friend A did something similar the same night, dancing, flirting and possibly exchanged numbers with a random guy as well, or at least had the intention to, I was not given too many details. A is married as well.
I’m acquainted with A’s husband. He is a really nice guy. They came to our wedding and we wer to theirs. We have only hung out a few times when our wives would get together, for birthdays, the odd BBQ etc. I really get on well with him and we end up chatting a fair bit. We’re not really friends separately outside of when it’s a wives’ get together event. No more of these in the pipeline as I’ve moved out and far away and have started divorce proceedings. I’m not likely to bump into either of them ever.
As far as I know, A’s husband has no idea about this nightclub incident. I’m not sure how much my wife told A about our breakup and my reasons for divorce.
From what I hear A and her husband’s marriage has some difficulties already but again I’ve no specifics on that.
If it was me in his shoes I would want to know. I feel lile I want to say something such as: “Hey man, you might have heard that me and my wife are divorcing. One of the reasons is (the nightclub incident) and I don’t know what happened exactly but I was told that A did something similar. I have no details or evidence that anything happened, just that my wife said yours was also up to no good.”
Over to you good people of Reddit. Do I say something to A’s husband or stay the heck out of it?
Thanks in advance!
TL;DR. Wife unfaithful to me, her friend might have done similar acts, do I say something to her friend’s husband?
21 comments
I usually always advocate to expose cheaters. But it’s only hearsay and you have no proof. So the situation might turn on you especially that he’s your coworker.
I think you tell him, just like you wrote it. You don’t know exactly what happened, but understand that she may have done something similar. Let him decide how he wants to handle it.
I would keep your mouth closed. You sound like your scorned
Your wife could have been trying to justify her behaviour, claiming the other party also did the same when the contrary could have been true.
Let sleeping dogs lie…they may wake soon enough…
butt out, you don’t actually know anything.
You said your wife exchanged numbers and said maybe to meeting up with the guy – is that why you are divorcing or was there another incident where she cheated
Write an unnamed letter to him. Stick on car. Whatever it takes to assure he gets it. Explain situation and heads up bro, she belongs to the streets
You have no evidence except for hearsay from a woman who already lied to you
I would tell him if it were me. Just the way you wrote it. Emphasize that you don’t know for sure what happened, it’s just what your ex wife had told you. You can also say that you’d want to be told if it were you and that’s why you’re speaking up.
Think about this. How embarrassed would you feel to find out your spouse was cheating on you, AND that others knew/had an idea but didn’t tell you? I’d have some major trust issues to work out after that.
A close friend? Definitely
But an acquaintance? Probably not, maybe an anonymous email
Are u divorcing because she text and flirted with another guy?
Did I understand correctly or you divorced because your wife made out drunken with a man in the night club and exchanged number in the process? Was that all?
Say nothing. You just don’t have enough information and you aren’t really friends.
If you do tell, you need to emphasize that you get it from another party, your stbx wife, and you just feel as if you need to relay this to him.
Honestly, I would probably say something…
Tell him. Not anonimously. But emphasize that you dont know anything for sure, but theres a possibility his wife did him wrong. Also, ive went through most of the comments. Most people who encourage you to tell him are men. Most people who dont, are women. In this instance, since the possibly damaged party is a dude, you listen to the men.
I always say give a heads up but with you going thu the divorce I would wait til the ink dries before you start informing people. This way she doesn’t get the chance to fight over it.
You might just approach it by presenting what happened with your soon to be ex and relay what she told you, simply telling him that while you don’t have concrete proof, you felt that you should tell him just in case.
Your wife isn’t even sure if A exchanged numbers with the guy. She could also be throwing her friend under the bus to make her actions look less bad. You don’t have any proof. Don’t contact A’s husband with speculation and rumors. You don’t have enough information. Focus on your own divorce.
Nope. Not your business.
What? You have nothing on her? She danced and flirted at a club? That’s it?! Please don’t try to tank someone else’s marriage over this. Unless I’m missing something, she did nothing wrong. You don’t even know if she exchanged a phone number, also, sometimes people just go with the flow of what their friends are doing. You have no idea of her intentions or actual behavior that night, I would absolutely leave her and her husband alone.
Not your business in this case . Seems like you just want someone to feel your pain too