(21M) As the title states, I’m looking to make some new friends. I’ve worked construction with the same coworkers, who are in their 30’s-40’s, for the past two years. Not much else going on socially since high school. My homies from childhood and high school all moved out of state. However, I started college recently and want to learn how to develop new friendships with my peers. Introducing myself and having that initial conversation has been easier than previous times in my life but I’m not great at sparking up a second conversation with someone. Any advice? Good questions to ask people? When to start a conversation? Things to talk about? Any advice is much appreciated, thanks.
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Honestly, as you get older you aren’t going to have the same friendships you made in school when you had more free time. Everyone has responsibilities that they may prioritize and have to keep rather than have fun and hang out with you. Temper your expectations and do things you enjoy or want to learn and you’ll meet people that way.
Since you are in college; easiest way to befriend people is by being in the same space as them continuously. Sounds weird but you can make friends by seeing them on a regular basis.
Start a weekly study group for your classes or do a weekly club. Sports is a good one if you like sports otherwise go to something that interests you. It gets to try something new and you’ll have something to bond over. You’ll make that initially connection and have a weekly excuse to be in the same space but you also need the initiative to invite people to things or be open to be invited to things.
Questions, people like talking about themselves; actively listen, be curious and think about what part of what they said you find interesting. Faking interest can work but ultimately you’ll run out if things to talk about. You aren’t gonna connect or have similar interests with everybody.
The FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams) method is one way that you can connect to most people. Work your way through the topics and expand on things they say or add in your experiences or interesting stories.
Be yourself and don’t try to have a fake persona that you think people will like. You will become friends with those who you genuinely like than trying to be something you aren’t.
Co-worker is a hard one, I have a weekly board game night with one of my co-worker but I’m definitely not friends with all my co-workers. You end up seeing each other everyday and have conversations with them. It may not be a full on friendship but you’ll have a work friendship with people you converse with.
With your older coworkers as you talk to them like you would anyone else, you’ll find people you connect with and can talk them like your homies from high school, there is usually no differences talking to your older co-worker.