I have been with my (21F) boyfriend (23M) officially for a bit over 6 months. We are both pretty freaky and try new things all the time (free use, rope, public, filming, punishment, watching porn together, etc.). I lost my virginity to him at the beginning of our relationship. We talk pretty frequently about our fantasies. He recently brought up that he wants to have a threesome with another girl. I am also curious about exploring sex with another girl but I have no experience. He has had sex with a lot of people, but he is the first person I have ever been sexually comfortable with, so it is hard for me to imagine adding another person into our sex life, but I also think it would be really hot. He says he doesnt want me to ever feel like I’m not enough or like I’m being pressured into doing something I dont want to do. I think I want it because I want to explore that side of myself, but I dont know how to find someone who I’d be sexually comfortable with and also would be comfortable with my boyfriend fucking. Since I expressed interest, he has been asking if it’s something we should start seeking out, which made me more nervous like it’s something that could happen really soon, which makes me wonder if I’m ready.
Is this a red flag that he wants to add another girl into our sex life? Have threesomes improved or hurt your past relationships? How do you find a third that fits well with your previous dynamic and how does sex between the 2 of you change after the threesome? Thank you so much!!!!
8 comments
I’ve had threesomes in multiple relationships. Nothing serious just hooking up.
Honestly my secret has been to make sure the new partner is a little less pretty than my gf or wife. I think this makes it easier.
Didn’t really change our sex life in any fundamental way, just a good memory that we bring up to each other every now and then when we’re feeling naughty.
Threesomes almost never work out unless both of the original people are 100% comfortable, and that there has been a LOT of communication about trust, boundaries, expectations, etc. From your post, it does not seem like you are quite ready for this step, and it is a HUGE step to take. There are some good articles online about this and you should really do your research on how to do is successfully, and then decide if you really want it. DO NOT DO IT just to fulfill his fantasy or you will absolutely regret it.
>Since I expressed interest, he has been asking if it’s something we should start seeking out, which made me more nervous like it’s something that could happen really soon, which makes me wonder if I’m ready.
[Have you communicated this to him?](http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/be_a_blabbermouth_the_whys_whats_and_hows_of_talking_about_sex_with_a_partner)
Because it’s not going to work out unless and until you’re 100% on board and comfortable, rather than freaking out about whether you’re ready or not.
* You both need to agree on the 3rd
* talk about the boundaries before, for during and after the moment
* will you allow contact after the night, will it always be together….
* what you are ok with him doing, what he is ok with you doing….
* take the time after to talk about it together, be honest about your feelings. jealousy is a common one
* he may do something during that he has not done with you, or react in a way with the 3rd that you have not seen. its ok and not something against you
* treat the 3rd as a person and not a toy. they may not be part of the core relationship but still a human and looking to have a good time too
Let me ask you this – are you interested in having a threesome with him and another guy? If so, you should definitely tell him that you’d be cool having a FMF with him if he’ll fulfill your MFM fantasy. If you wanting a MFM is a no-go for him, that’s a red flag.
Six months after losing one’s virginity seems very quick to be ready for a three way. The issues are exponentially greater with three people. The concerns you raised confirm that there are many issues that need to be ironed out. I had one three way in my life. It wasn’t some earth shattering experience. Two ladies essentially picked me up at a popular night club and we went back to their place. So that was uniquely easy. But when you are in a relationship, it’s infinitely complex to have a three way.
Rest assured that finding a unicorn (a bisexual woman interested in threesomes) is almost always a very long process. Especially if you’re new.
I don’t see his interest in a threesome as a red flag. It’s an extremely common interest. Don’t think of it as him wanting to have sex with someone else, but as two women at the same time.
It’s not that he wants to try to replace you, but no matter how good you are, you can’t be 2 mouths, 4 hands, 4 tits, etc.
ASK him mfm. If he agrees…. Give it a go