Title says most of it. We’re broken up for a while now (two months) but lived together, took me a while to find a place, until yesterday. She’s been seeing someone the past few weeks and I’ve been aware of it but haven’t known specifics. I was cleaning my stuff out of our bedside drawers a few days ago and came across some new sex toys, can only assume she purchased them with her new guy (they’re boytoys). She hasn’t rubbed it in my face but finding those kinda messed me up. I’m in my new apartment now and I know he’s over there right now, sharing the bed we bought together with the girl I’m still crazy about.
I realize this is vague and I know she has every right. I’m just wildly sad in this moment and looking for some kind of reassurance. This relationship is 100% over but how do I move on?
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Well the simplest way to move on in this case is to not live in the same place, and after that it’s gonna be an uphill battle, find hobbies to distract you, put more energy into working or doing other stuff, distractions are gonna be your best friend for a while, but yeah Step 1 should be to move out
It’s ok to be sad about it. She is gone. Long gone. It’s time to move on. It’s going to hurt for a while, but you deserve the best in your life. You can find it. Buuuuut, if you decide to numb yourself for a bit with a little Tinder time or you play the Feeld, well… just be safe. šš
Iād love to give you some magic advice OP, but time. You just need some time. Those feelings will fade and you will find every day you are getting closer to being okay.
I thought it would never happen for me, but it did, and Iām better off. It will happen for you too.
That’s a brutal one, but honestly, wouldn’t you rather have the truth even if it is brutal than being left wondering? Now you know. Now you can also add some things to your own list to do and work on for yourself to get over this feeling. Don’t you have sexual fantasies you would like to do or things that tou didnt do while with her?
Just keep looking on the positive side. I know these moments are the roughest and darkest, but truthfully I would rather know the honest truth 10 times out of 10 than the hell that is not knowing and questioning what happened. I know ripping the bandaid off all-at-once hurts a lot more when it happens, but it saves so much more pain and you can start to heal faster in the long run. It’s ok to be angry, but you also need to cut off communication with her faster now too and it is not ok to express anger directly with her or you will regret it. And the one thing you are not going to do with her is something you regret later. Just handle the pain now, stay as busy as possible and work on yourself. If you are going to spend time in a sucky situation you might as well get something out of it…use all that energy to work out, or all that anger to work on yourself and go out and talk to strangers or start a hobby you always wanted to do. You might as well get something out of this shitty feeling instead of waking up 6 months down the road and still thinking about her and now also having to deal with your own depression you’ve been in. But the scary thing is a year down the road alwaya comes faster than we think it will. You’ll either be happy about how this made you better and that the anger she gave you helped motivate you, or you’ll be even sadder about how it was just the start of a series of events that upended your life.
This isn’t how it always goes, but in my experience it was how it always went…but usually women seem able to recover from a breakup and sleep with other people much much much faster than men and heal faster in the beginning, usually because they already knew the breakup was coming and were prepared for a while before it happened. Especially with sex, they seem to be able to move on faster and seem like they are enjoying themselves in a way that hurts you (but it has nothing to do with you). But they also never fully heal and seem to have regrets later on down the line when the guy is actually starting to move on and aren’t healed as fully as the guy usually is. I know that is not always the case, but generally that is what I experienced, and a huge part of that was because breakups gave me a new beginning and it almost took me being angry to fully focus on myself. I can tell you honestly that my worst breakup, even though it was absolute hell on me, ended up being a time I can trace a ton of huge changes for myself back to, and those changes absolutely were some of the biggest things that improved my life as a whole. It took a bad breakup to finally wake me up. It was absolute hell in the beginning and I had trouble sleeping or doing anything without pain and heartache, but I promise you if you can workout in the state you are in, it won’t just help you actually be able to get some sleep when you are exhausted…but if you can workout in this state, it will be so much easier for you later on when things are easier in your life.
I know it sucks, but your life is in the perfect place to change for the better massively after this point. I mean, the days are going to go by where this is all you think about anyways for a while, might as well do some things while this is going on anyways and get something out of it. Best of luck!
She probably busted a couple of nuts with her new man before you went there to pick up your stuff. Did you check if they toys were sweaty?
Consider this an opportunity to take away as many lessons as you possibly can, so that you won’t find yourself in a similar situation again. This will grow some hair on your nuts. Eventually, pain and anger will go away and you’ll be able to recognise where exactly, during your relationship, failed to discern red flags or other signs that were indicative she’ll do you like this.
Then use your reinvigorated gonads to successfully achieve your goals and grind. Do so and you’ll come to find out pussy is cheap and disposable and will never again negatively affect you.
Unfortunately getting over heartbreak is a bit of a trudge through time. That’s all it will take is time. Tomorrow, it will hurt a bit less. The day after that, the pain will be smaller still. The difference is small to begin with, you won’t notice for a while. One day you’ll realise you haven’t thought about her in ages.
In the meantime reach out to your friends and family, see people and try to occupy your mind.