I spent an entire month partying and using drugs with a colleague which is a crack addict. My wife and family was affected by this decision, that was not a sudden decision, but that’s a longer story.
I spent days ignoring her, and in the end, she went there to bring me home again. After a month, I addmited to all the bad things I did, that includes cheating and other things I would not like to bring it up, but that affected our family.
She was so understanding and never gave up on me, even though we have two beautiful kids together. She went through all that by herself and I admire her so much for this.
Now I am a recovering addict, and it’s being so hard to stay clean from my cocaine addiction, and I feel like my wife doesn’t really care about me. She usually say mean things to me, yell and I feel like nothing I do is ever enough.
I know I deserve some level of suffering, but how much is too much? I’m trying to understand I did some really bad things to deserve this kind of treatment.
I feel abandoned and insecure for the most part of the day, and at this point I’m not sure how much is her fault because I kind of stopped paying much attention to stay sane. I just try to filter what is too much being said and done and what is an actual mistake on my side.
I obviously tried to talk to her several times, but for every complain I have, I listen to the “what when it was me?” or “did you have respect for me when you did X?” and now I’m afraid this will never have an end.
I know I changed and that I am a new man. Even before I quit on my addiction. So maybe I should just try to understand how stubborn she is and ask for divorce? Sometimes I feel like using it again due to the stress I am and the way I’m being treated. And just by saying that, I already feel like I don’t deserve feeling that way, because I deserve to suffer and stop paying attention on what I am feeling.
Please help.
2 comments
If you apologize for something and the other person accepts your apology, it’s bullshit if they routinely bring it up and rub your face in it again and again. You need to shut that down ASAP.
It is different when you are an addict. And in particular you admitted infidelity. Typically you give the partner who has been cheated on a set period of time like 6 months or a year, to work through their feelings of betrayal. And during that time they WILL be critical and saying all the things she is saying to you. But after that then she needs to start moving forward.
All of this should have been covered in your addiction recovery program as well as by your addiction recovery counselor.
You sound to me like one of those addicts who got 60% of the way through the program then decided you were “cured” and didn’t need the program any longer. Now you are playing the victim because you believe you are “fixed” and you believe you should have the power to tell your wife how to feel and when to stop being mad at you.
Your wife also needs counseling and that should have been also encouraged by your addiction recovery team. Once more all of this would have been covered in the program.
What you are doing here is shopping for answers that you like. Very probably because you don’t like the ones that the addiction recovery team gave you which is why you stopped going.
Go back to your program.