TL;DR: I have a complicated relationship with one of my friends, and I’m unsure about whether I’m approaching it in the right way.
I (21F) have been friends with this guy (21M) for almost three years. We go to the same college (that’s how we became friends). We’re really similar in some ways. We think about a lot of things in the same way. We seem to have endless things to talk about, which I think is rare. He’s the first person I want to share things with because he always has interesting and thoughtful responses. He’s also very honest. I trust him deeply, and I feel very comfortable around him. I think I’ve shared more with him than I have with anyone else.
Unfortunately, my friend and I have different social needs. He’s antisocial (his words, not mine). I care more about relationships in general than he does. I want to talk more frequently than he does. On some level, this is fine. Relationships are never perfectly equal. But there are things I want that I’m not getting in this friendship (for example, verbal and physical expressions of care), and I feel like being friends with him makes it difficult to get those things elsewhere. It’s hard to become as close to other people, though, since I keep comparing them to him.
One question that people have asked me is whether I have any romantic feelings towards this guy. To be honest, I don’t really know. I don’t have sexual feelings. I have thought about wanting to give him a hug or lean against him or something like that. But I don’t know if that’s about him or just about being touch-starved and feeling comfortable enough with him to be okay doing those things. Neither of us are touchy people. I would like to be more touchy, but I’m pretty sure he would not.
I should probably talk about how he feels about me. He does not have any romantic interest in me (nor has he had interest in anyone for several years). He definitely likes me more than he likes almost anyone else, though. And he talks to me more than anyone else.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this relationship. I think I want more from it because I’m worried there will never be anyone else who understands me as well. While I’m not sure I would want a romantic relationship with him (and he surely does not want one with me), it’s also hard to imagine being in a romantic relationship with anyone else while I’m this close to him.
I’m not sure what to ask exactly, but any input would be appreciated. Some things I’m wondering I guess: How do I stop comparing other people to him? How can I stop overcomplicating things in my head?
1 comment
Your overthinking it. Just talk to him