Hi,
I’m a 27 year old man and have lived reclusively for the past 5 years. The only social contacts I have are with people I know from the years when i was in high school. These people are now getting married and now i essentially want to break the cycle. Never really took part to anything during my university years and I have nil contacts from that time. This has probably resulted from a combination of social anxiety, mild aspergers and a fairly shitty childhood (my father is a paranoid schizophrenic). Now the question is: how should i approach the problem at hand?
7 comments
Every day is a new day and a new start. Start inviting your high school friends to meet you out for a drink or something.
The best thing about the past is that it has passed. I’m not sure why what you did yesterday will have any impact on what you do tomorrow. The fact you’re here to get better is already the most important step.
In some way, we’ve all been somewhat of a hermit due to the pandemic. I’ve certainly gone out way less and met less people.
As someone 10 years older I can tell you the damage is totally reversible. Social skills do need a bit of practise but there’s nothing stopping you getting that practise now. Have you thought about getting some therapy to address some of your emotional issues? If you can’t afford therapy perhaps look at a book centred about CBT or any other method that appeals to you (I like ‘ten times happier’). You could also look into exercise and mindfulness to improve mood.
Practically in terms of getting out. I’d not put huge pressure on yourself to make friends immediately. Just try putting yourself in situations where you’re interacting with people. I find volunteer work brilliant for this. The people involved tend to be nice and friendly (for the most part) and doing something useful feels good. Obviously choose something that means something to you (foodbank, animal shelter, working with kids etc). Even just once a week would be a great start.
Are there any sports you like? What about a beginners running club? Or an inside climbing wall?
Start talking with a therapist. Exposure therapy is a great for getting you out of the house. Cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) could also help with the internal dialogue.
Bro I lived in a tipi in the mountains alone for 5 years… when I don’t identify with an ego I am love and other people are love, we are one. So it’s like constant socializing, can’t even sleep cause people wanna hang
But when I’m worried about mi identity, my ego, it’s the opposite and everything feels fake and forced and weird
Have you tried playing magic?
I went 10 years without much social contact at all, my advice would be something like tinder, doesn’t matter if your not looking for a gf/bf tinder is somewhere you can talk to people and work on your relationship building skills, also when you inevitably make an ass out of yourself it’s easy to just move on and try again after learning from the experience, a creepy, antisocial person can scare 6 ppl away and then by the 7th suddenly they’re not creepy or antisocial anymore (so long as they pay attention to the other person and see how their actions affect them). also D&D. you’ll be less nervous speaking for your character than yourself and decisions don’t matter as much in a fantasy world