Hi all! I recently [made this post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/x33hi0/how_to_have_a_conversation_about_sex/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and thank you for your advice. I have one other thing that’s been plaguing my mind.
I’m 21 (female) and I was on BC from 14-19 but I have absolutely no libido whatsoever, besides a few times a year depending on where I’m at with my cycle. I’ve also just started Zoloft so my libido really will be nonexistent. However, I can listen to Audio porn and usually that can get me turned on, but it’s very weak and I can lose the feeling of being turned on within minutes.
It also can take me 2-3 hours to orgasm. Which is so embarrassing.
I haven’t had sex with my girlfriend yet, but we had the talk and we made out (with some neck kissing and grinding, stuff like that) and apparently I made her really horny, and she tried to do the same with me….it just wasn’t working. I always thought I would definitely have responsive desire, but nothing is turning me on. Mentally, I’m turned on but physically? There’s just nothing there.
I don’t know how to tell her and I’m worried she might get frustrated with me or think I don’t find her attractive. It’s something I’m insecure about because I don’t know what I like or how to turn myself on (get myself off) even though I’ve masturbated for years and I’ve tried so many different things.
2 comments
I’ve been using anti depressants as well, and it’s very normal to lose libido. I think just telling your partner exactly what’s going on and that it doesn’t reflect your feelings towards them is the best thing to do. That and just continue being open to exploring what kinds of things will turn you on together.
They may get a little frustrated but the important thing to realize is that it’s not your fault, and putting forth continued effort is what is important. With a good partner that should be more than enough.
Also, just because you won’t necessarily get off doesn’t mean that sex can’t be fun and rewarding to both of you. You can always tell your partner that bottom line this means you can spend more time on them. That can be an exciting thing.
Girl, I totally feel you. I also have chronic low desire and sensation. It takes me about an hour to finish with my partner if I can cum at all.
Please read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski!!!! This book is AMAZING and it explains the science behind female sexuality and desire.
Desire and sexual enjoyment really comes and goes for me. It sucks when it’s low, and I usually get pretty hung up on that. Then the shame kicks in and it makes it even worse! Please consider sex therapy to help your own distress. If you can, acceptance and communication with your partner are #1 to feeling better. Sometimes you may feel like you will never want sexual again, but that’s happening for likely many reasons, and a lot of those reasons could be treatable and fixable!