So there’s actually two situations this is about. The first is that one of my best friends, both of us see each other as brothers, recently moved about an hour away. The second is a girl at work I’ve become close friends with, and both of us have said that we really care about each other and are among the closest friends in each other’s lives.
Part of my fear with the second situation is that I’ve had friends in the past where whenever I see them, it’s always just out of circumstance. For example with roommates in the past, we eventually saw each other as friends, but never really kept in touch. Granted, those weren’t as close friendships but it still worries me.
I also think that part of keeping in touch isnt just messaging each other regularly, which I already feel unnecessarily awkward about, but also getting to hang out with them and see them outside of usual circumstances. I really cherish and care about these people, and I don’t wanna lose them.
I’ll be honest I’ve always sucked at keeping up contact with people. I always feel super awkward just messaging people out of the blue, even if I really trust them and I know they also regard me as a very close friend. I don’t know how to overcome that feeling. Also, partially with the second one, I feel awkward about it because she’s in a relationship so I feel like I shouldnt ask her if she wants to go watch a movie or (hopefully) show her how to play MTG or whatever else, even though it’d be just as friends. Idk, I feel like I’m stuck in a maze without any clear direction so I have no idea what to do. If anyone could help me with some advice I’d really appreciate it.
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Recognize people are going to have other priorities in life besides you. While the friendship with you still exists, the cold harsh truth is that it is not on the top of their minds anymore. But you can still remain their friend.
Learn how to handle the natural distance. There will be times that people will not respond to you either online or offline. You need to give people space when it happens. The hallmark of good friendships is getting back in touch down the road at mutual convenience. Never ever beg or chase anybody who is not giving you time or attention for whatever reason. A lot of people lose their friends at this stage because they get a little too needy and attached to their friends. Avoid this trap. This isn’t a codependent relationship. You need to have your own separate life outside of your friendships. Cultivate some goals and hobbies, and talk to other people as well. This helps you stand out in the long run.
Leave people with overall positive impressions of you. When you do talk to those people who are apart from you, learn how to genuinely connect with them. Ask them how they are what they are up to. Listen to what they say. Answer confidently about yourself when you are asked questions. Bring positive energy and enthusiasm. People subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. Find ways to add value to people’s lives. Maybe you have some kind of skill, talent, or hobby that align with people’s interests. Offer to help people in some aspect of life. People respect those who impact their lives. Even if what you do doesn’t directly impact them, people always love to see active confirmation you are well rounded in life and not needy and desperate for their attention and validation. Chase excellence, not people !