Yeah, feelings involved but that’s not the case here – I have this close female friend who I’ve known for 6-7 years now. We’ve always had no issues to talk or argue about things, share etc. I really really place her as a “close” person to me. Whenever I had/have issues I would share it with her and she would offer help immediately and I value that a lot.
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Here is the issue… whenever she needs help, she would always ask her other male friend ( for who she has no feelings at all, even he annoys her often and destroys her mood and still she would call him for help if needed).
Even when she shares with me that she had an issue and I offer her help ( to buy her something cause her car is broke, because she doesn’t feel good, ill or whatever the reason is ) she would mention how she already asked that other guy and I really feel that I’m not that close to her even though I see warm attitude from her towards me whenever I need help.
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Is it reasonable to have these thoughts?
3 comments
I think what you need is to analyze this through a third person’s perspective.
She might be asking her other male friend for help because she doesn’t want you to be worried because of her. Simply put, she likes you too much to let you be involved in her mess. That is the first case.
The second case might be that she is into the other guy and not you. Now, I know that you’ve said that he annoys her but you might not know her feelings about him.
We can speculate a lot of different scenarios but I think none of it will be as beneficial as you talking it out with her directly.
It is totally reasonable to think what you are thinking.
Maybe she feels like the other person has more expertise or time or ability to help? I have friends who I ask for help but I don’t necessarily help them out because the stuff they need help with is stuff that’s often outside my purview or skill set. They don’t ask me for help because I’m not particularly useful in these cases.
If that’s something that’s important to you in a relationship, then yeah it’s totally reasonable to be upset about it. People have different boundaries with different people, and it can be hard to understand what it says about your relationship with her just based on it.
I don’t know her, but I think she’s being genuine. People don’t spend time listening to the problems of other people if they don’t genuinely care about them.
What I think would help is to expand your friend circle so you can find someone who goes to you for help.