I’m having this problem with my fwb that i’ve been seeing and fucking for 9 months. We met in the dating app and we had a very nice and long convo from the start. We don’t talk every minute, but we sent multiple messages to reply later (we’re in early 20’s and busy with school and our own life). Then we began to say good mornings and good nights until they stopped doing it. I was a bit upset but i shrugged it off because i guess they were busy and we’re just fwb and stop doing it as well.
Then now they take days, like 5 days to reply or more, to reply back. At first i was okay with it but a bit upset. I told them to try to give me a heads up and they said they will try. It happened again, then i told them i can’t see them this weekend cuz of school and they replied fast.
I know this is stupid to feel, but is it stupid to feel these feelings? I normally reply a lot even with my friends, but i’m trying to lessen it as i don’t want people to feel overwhelmed with my replies.
I asked them if am i talking too much and they said they love my text. I also asked them before if we should stop texting like that and just text each other to confirm our fuck appointment and they looked so sad and said they didn’t wanted to stop talking. But they seem to not put effort anymore. They will give me a heads up, but then they’ll forget to reply to my previous messages.
I just feel upset and annoyed. I said how i feel about the texting and they didn’t even reply to it or i guess just ignored it.
What do you say to people when you can’t reply back cuz you are busy?
5 comments
FWB is no expectations. You’re busy? Don’t respond until you have time. You don’t prioritize FWB. Sounds like you’re getting too attached, so they’re pulling back.
I don’t say anything… texting doesn’t require an immediate response. But 5 days is way more than someone being busy. That length of time shows a lack of interest. It sounds like he’s only reaching out or putting in effort when he’s bored or lonely.
You get to decide how much you want to put into this FWB relationship. Match his energy. If he reaches out wondering why you are not talking more, you can reiterate that you felt ignored, taken for granted, whatever, because he’s non-responsive. No one wants to have a one sided convo. If he wants more, he needs to give more.
Sadly with casual relationships, there’s often a lot of hurt and disappointment that comes with expectations not being met. These expectations need to be vocalised and clarified, otherwise you can’t expect the other person to read your mind. I went through something similar with my FWB many years ago, when we were together the sparks were undeniable, but when we were apart he was distant and sometimes took days to weeks to reply to me, despite me replying to him immediately. It got to the point where our relationship felt too transactional to me, like I was his hooker at his beck and call, and I had to end things. Have a chat with your FWB and discuss what’s a reasonable time frame to expect communication. They don’t get to take your company for granted even if there is no commitment to a romantic relationship.
I tell them yes- casual shouldn’t be a green light to use the other as you wish and not treat them with consideration and dignity.
I let them know that I’m busy, slammed with work, or saw the message and will reply when I have some downtime. This situation may be because of the nature of your relationship, but in any well-connected interaction, communication is key. If it’s not present on one end or the other, the person either does not possess mature skills, does not prioritize you, or legitimately forgot.