I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for four months now. We have been taking it very slowly when it comes to sex as neither of us have much experience. He hasn’t seen me fully shirtless yet because my chest is a massive insecurity of mine – they are large but are not up to the beauty standard in terms of areola size. I struggle *a lot* with my confidence about my appearance so this is a significant issue to me.
My boyfriend has told me he would find me beautiful whatever I looked like shirtless but today we saw a picture of a woman with breasts not dissimilar to mine and he laughed at her. I feel absolutely horrible and depressed, cried on the way home, and am now very afraid to bring this up to him in case he laughs at me. He is a very sweet guy but I don’t know how I’ll ever be confident enough to a) talk to him about this or b) ever take my shirt off. Does anyone have any advice on how to proceed?
17 comments
Show him your tits he will not complain.
Rip that bandaid off hard.
And don’t worry about if he will think you’re gross. Guys just don’t work like that.
I’d just rip off the band aid. I doubt he’ll complain. If he does, then he’s shitty for that
You can tell him that you feel very self-conscious because of the way he laughed at that picture and how you think you look like her. His reaction should let you know whether he’s worth staying with or not.
I’m sure 99% of guys would be thrilled with your boobs whatever size your areolas are. I had a gf in college who had really big ones and she was super self-conscious about them and honestly I thought they were great. (Little ones are great too. Most guys just like boobs in general.)
Just show him this post.
There’s nothing to be self conscious about. Dating isn’t about finding someone you can put up with but has major drawbacks like laughing at your body type: it’s about finding someone right for *you*. I guarantee there are millions of people who either won’t care about this insecurity or would actively be attracted to how you look.
Laughing at anyone’s appearance shows pretty low character I would say, but if you feel you should give him another chance, just be honest that you’re self conscious and his behavior didn’t help. If he apologizes and can show you that he won’t view you or treat you like that, that’s one thing, but if he brushes it off or dismisses you, I wouldn’t give him another chance.
Laugh back at him. Ask him were you born in the 50’s?
Since when is there “beauty standards” for areolas, wtf
Really the only way you can go about this is to talk to him. Just sit him down and say something like “When you laughed at that ladies boobs the other day it really hurt my feelings and made me even more self conscious because mine are very similar to hers”
You’re way to uptight
“neither of us have much experience.”
One day you will, and you’ll find a man with a lot that appreciates how your breasts look.
I have a number of laughs myself. I have a laugh laugh. I have an excited laugh. I have a cut the tension laugh. I laugh all the fucking time for any number of reasons. You’d have to ask me if you wanted to know why I laughed at something.
Even if your areolas are busted and look like dollar store salami or something, that is largely irrelevant in the long run. Nice areolas don’t make you sweeter. Nice areolas don’t make more shared experiences. Nice areolas don’t make you more helpful. Nice areolas don’t give you mommy vibes. Odds are you have a body part or two he wants to improve. But if you’re a good girl he wouldn’t trade you for your weight in gold or any girl in the world.
Ask him what specifically he was laughing at. But really, I’m confused about the “areola size” bit, because, um, personal reasons… (Large breasts and small areolae are super hot to some ppl… Just saying.)
He just sounds very immature and has a lot of growing up to do. You can choose if you want to be with him for that or not
However, please don’t feel insecure about them. No 2 breasts are the same.
“Hey, I want to say something. Remember X time you laughed at Y? Well, I have Y. I know you didn’t mean it, but that hurt my feelings. It made me feel like you wouldn’t find my attractive, and now I am struggling with insecurity. I also think making fun of things about someone’s body that they can’t help is just generally not very nice. I wanted to let you know because this is affecting how I feel about myself and our intimacy, and I’d like to find a better way of doing things.”
Then see how he responds. Everyone says dumb things or may accidentally hurt people around them without thinking about it. The type of people you want to be around are those who can communicate without getting defensive and are willing to make changes to avoid repeating their mistakes.
If he does get defensive, shift blame, or say that you’re overreacting, then he may not be the kind of person you want to be around, much less loved by. If he understands where you’re coming from and you take positive steps, then congratulations! You’ve set a precedent for honest communication that will positively impact your relationship going forward.
And OP, regardless of how this plays out, try not to let it get into your head. Most guys don’t care about stuff like that. Anyone who is attracted to you will wind up liking that aspect of your body.
I mean, what are your options here? Being single until you find that 1 magic man who says and does everything perfectly where you feel comfortable and finally you’ll be able to talk about it and your life becomes perfect?
Missy, most people have some sort of problems, hang ups or issues. You can’t wait for that one knight in shining armor to fix all your problems and insecurities for you. That only happens in movies. Life is hard work. Being comfortable with yourself and having the self esteem to voice your concerns when someone laughs at something you dislike- all that requires tons of work for a lot of people. It’s not something a magic moment with a guy will fix. It’s something you have to confront, it’s something you have to work toward and try to overcome. Life is hard work, and in modern society we’re not really told that anymore. We grow up expecting everything to be magically fine, or even handed to us.
It’s gonna be hard, and it will take long. Rebuilding from low self esteem is not done overnight. But it’s the only choice you have if you ever want to become comfortable with who you are, and being comfortable with speaking up when someone says something that upsets you.
Hey! Fellow big areola having woman here. I had the exact same insecurities you’re talking about. Until I actively started showing people my breasts (sexual partners and my friends lmao) and I have never, ever had anyone say anything negative about the size of my areolas before. I had always heard others talking about larger areolas being dinner plates or tea cup plate or whatever the hell, but fact is, people love them. Never an actual complaint about them. Other women have complimented my breasts and both men and women were super excited sexually to get to see and play with them. Your boyfriend is inexperienced and has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. I would tell him straight up, “your negative comments about that woman’s areola size has made me insecure and second guessing whether or not this relationship should move forward because my breasts/areolas are extremely similar to hers. I don’t want to have sex or get sexual nor be in a relationship with anyone who isn’t attracted to what I have.”
Yes you will for sure find guys that don’t care about it’s You’d be surprised how little many guys care about details like that.
My breasts are not the same size, about 3/4 cup difference. When I was younger I was so insecure about it and even wanted to get plastic surgery. But actually not a single guy I’ve dated (I’ve dated two guys seriously) cared. Actually both of them were not super into boobs for some reason and hugely into butts lol. My now hubby doesn’t even really notice, he’s not exactly the super observant type. I honestly never think about them now and it’s a complete non-issue. Glad I saved the surgery money!