Maybe its age. I am 29m. She is 25. This is probably not an age thing, more of a stage of life. So I would say its not fair of me to say its an age thing. Maybe its that this current women lives with her parents at age 25. Which I have no issues with, but that means no rent, no dishes, etc.
We had two dates. She has on her bio that she likes to get to know people as friends first, which is fair, but it leaves things a bit awkward, becuase its technically dates, but just slower paced I guess. Which I dont mind, but still there is intention behind it. I am on dating apps for dating and honestly dont have time to carve out for something that is just leading to friendship. Might sound cold, but I stopped offering to continue as friends becuase its mostly a lie. I have a friends group and I am busy.
I gave three options this week and she said “okay! i’ll let you know” That was vague to me. Like let me know your still interested, or figuring out your week? and she took 3 days to get back with me. I took it as she was blowing me off so I moved on and started to match with other people.
When I give options I set myself up to sacrifice something else. Like a night I usually would be climbing or doing trivia with friends. Or a night home to decompress.
Then she resurfaces and lets me know she wont have time this week and wonders if I could meet next week. I honestly dont know. I am talking to 2-4 other people and hoping 2 of them leads to a date. Since I keep a tight schedule I mentally moved on. I dont really know if I want to take up an afternoon next week or not to see her since she didnt seem to interested in figuring out her week.
That might seem a bit hash, but she could have communicated more. Almost makes me feel like a backup as well. She didnt say why and I gave three different days.. Took three days to let me know?
I hate how cut throat dating has become, but things like this make me want to drop people and move on. Even if they didnt mean anything by it. Who knows, maybe she is treating me like a friend, but again unfortunately I am not on the apps for friends. I like to make friends by going out and meeting people. Dating is harder and apps help with that.
3 comments
I would just it isn’t going to work out and just move on.
First, has she told you her parents don’t charge rent or expect her to pitch in for household chores?
Secondly, you can also communicate a little more clearly your expectations.
If it’s important to you to have a plan laid out by say, Tuesday, tell her that. Leaving it open, just well, it leaves it open for that others person to just get to it when they get to it.
You don’t have to be harsh about it, just say that you’d like to have plans solidified by Xday, otherwise you’ll plan to go with the guys to trivia.
It seems like you must like her, or see something in her that is keeping you waiting to see her next move, so, be assertive here, and see how she responds.
If she doesn’t respect your wishes, then let it go. You’re probably not compatible if she is so unorganized. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ll know you can move on.
You should stop meeting her.
You deserve better communication and interest.
You’ve been incredibly considerate of her time and situation and a lot of women will appreciate this more than she does.