People who used to get rejected but always been told you were wonderful, how long did it take you to find someone that finally stayed with you because you are a wonderful partner?

13 comments

1. As a guy, I got rejected a ton for every great relationship. Nobody dates without rejection.

2. People say that to make themselves feel better about it.

3. Being wonderful and being compatible are two different things…

   You can be both, one or the other or none of them…

   Only later in life did I start valuing the people that rejected me due to incompatibility since they saved us both lots of misery!

   Good luck 🍀 on your journey!

4. Hey happens to me a lot. I wonder if we’re same? I’m sort of the kind of person people vent out extremely personal things to on the first date and then get told we have zero connection.

   I used to get a bit hurt about it but I feel so grown up lately and kinda just chuckle.

   Got no answers for you unfortunately. But I think it’s important to really get to know yourself so you know ‘why’ you are wonderful and what parts of you those might be.

   I discovered with therapy that I come off really mature and in a way, not so fun (at least coming off that way). I am way too practical in the beginning and that can come off as intense. I also am not used to vocalizing my needs and instead adjust to my partner or dates.

5. I feel like everyone is a little bit weird and they handle the convergence of being humble and being honest in conversation poorly. You are a wonderful person, no matter how long or mismatches you go through. As for how long, no clue still wandering around myself.

6. I was exactly your age when I met my guy. Haha. Hang in there. Happened to me my entire 20s.

   I wasn’t actively dating or anything. Just happened to meet him.

7. Not sure if this is helpful but– my boyfriend had a 1-year relationship at 24, and then continued to date off and on but did not have another relationship until he met me at 33.

   We’ve been together for 10 months now. I think he is the smartest, funniest, sexiest, sweetest man I have ever met. Meeting him made all the bad dates worth it. It made going through a divorce worth it. Our relationship stands in sharp contrast to the two prior serious relationships I had — this is the best, happiest, most secure, most satisfying thing. I cannot FATHOM why he was not scooped up by any of the women who came before me. I don’t understand, at all, how he was single for so long. But I am so so glad that he and I were single at the same time, and that we found each other.

   I don’t think this kind of thing happens on an “average” timeline. Everything I went through before I met him made me into the person I needed to be to meet him. Same with him.

   Rejection is exhausting; but, keep your chin up

8. Being a great person doesn’t mean you will be a good relationship candidate for a particular person. You can be a great person and not fit into a certain outfit. So it goes with dating. It doesn’t reflect poorly on you or the other person if you’re not compatible.

9. I don’t mind getting rejected. I mean I’m a human, so yes rejections sting.

   However I give myself a little love, remind myself how brave I am for taking chances in love and then I feel grateful that he didn’t waste anymore of my time since we weren’t compatible. They are doing us a favor, it’s great!

   I don’t view it as something personally, I mean honestly it has nothing to do with me.
   The last guy rejected me because the connection/chemistry/spark wasn’t there. Great! Out of my hands and I thought the same tbh.

   If someone is rejecting you it isn’t an indicator of your worth – it’s because HE needs something in a relationship that isn’t there.

   You can be juiciest, most perfect apple, but if someone prefers pears..

   I’m mostly the one rejecting anyways and I’m not rejecting THEM as people – I’m rejecting US as a couple.

   It’s ok to feel sad after being rejected. It’s important to honor those feelings. But it’s also important to cultivate self love and know how awesome you are – for the right person!

   (I’ve been on the apps for 7 years and still very much single, but I’m picky as fuck and happy on my own, so I don’t mind.. just to answer your last question)

10. Dude, “You’re a wonderful person”, “You’re a nice guy”, “You deserve the best” are feel good statements when people don’t like you that much but don’t have a good reason to give. Don’t take it too seriously, it’s just them trying to be nice about it because “I don’t like you because of x” is considered rude. Actually don’t even take “I’d like to be friends” very seriously after they decide to break up with you, unless they put in some effort.

    On one of these threads someone said “One day you’ll make someone, who is not me or any of my friends, very happy” and I thought it was the best way to put it.

    To answer your question: It happens to me every time. And I know the reason why, I’m not a terrible person so they can’t easily break for no reason (I mean I am not rude and I don’t have gravely offensive traits) but I’m not cool either (from their perspective) so they have to rely on “You’re a great guy but…” line to not sound rude. I find it funny.

    How long it takes for someone to find someone is a super inconclusive info unless you actually get big data (which you won’t from a reddit thread). Some people get lucky and find someone the next day, some try for years and still fail. Doesn’t matter if they get called a wonderful person or not.

11. When I have been rejected in the past by people I was considering a relationship with, I always saw in retrospect that they weren’t really right for me! I felt like I was confident too, and in some ways I definitely was. But I had low self esteem and wasn’t valuing myself enough to notice these guys weren’t a great match for me. Now I’m holding myself in much higher esteem. Lately I’ve been A LOT more selective and focusing primarily on how I feel. It’s actually paid off. I’ve recently met a man I’d been talking with for 3 weeks. He’s smarter, funnier, more thoughtful and emotionally intelligent than I’ve met in years. My heart and my 😺 melt with the genuine connection. And he’s just as smitten with me – he can’t helo but be, yet he also makes efforts to show it and connect. Looking back, I was ignoring something with the past guys who rejecred me. Not always red flags but they weren’t as smart as me (or didn’t have compatible type of intelligence), or they weren’t able to be fully present, weren’t mature in some critical way etc. Anyway I began to see rejection as a push propelling me on the path towards the person who *is* right for me. Maybe I’ve found him 🥰 At least this new person is the most compatible I’ve met in years, which means a lot because I really know myself now.

12. What kind of incompatibilities, OP? But yes, two rejections like that. They stung badly. I would wonder, if I’m so wonderful, then why doesn’t he stay, why doesn’t he wanna try to make it work. It wouldn’t make sense to me.

    Currently dealing with something similar too. Everytime the guy sees me he tells me things feel so right, he loves spending time with me, that I’m so rare, but we have long distance in between, so there goes a huge incompatibility that he stated out right he doesn’t see a way around, yet never once did we talk about the possibility of trying to make it work, logistics, how practical, etc .. In my opinion, two people who want to be together will find a way.

    It took me a long while to start to appreciate their honesty. They could string me along, and the pain would be greater then when it ends. It’s always hard to rationalize, but never sell yourself short, if they want to leave, then we show them the door. The same door will be open for others to enter.

    I have friends that are in intercultural relationships (you can only imagine the incompatibilities that are revealed along the way) that made it work, long distance, made it work, language barrier, made it work, it just requires two people that are excited about each other and wanna put in the effort and work.

13. You should read this recent post

    https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/xb5fpt/hes_mad_that_i_didnt_chase_him_not_inferred_he/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

    It’s probably not you. A lot of people are really confused and fucked up. It doesn’t always show right away either.

    Edit: I’m not saying your guy is like this at all, it’s just that we really have no idea what people are dealing with internally.