Hi, I’m 20/f and I have never been in an actual, real relationship before and I’m scared to even attempt now.
There’s a couple of reasons for that which I’m going to share here and maybe someone has some advice for scared, insecure little me.
I have been friends with my bff for about 14 years now. As kids we always imagined how we would each get our first boyfriend at 16 and how we’d have our first time with them and so on.
Well, I feel in love with a guy when I was 15 and I stayed in love for about 4 years. I was able to somewhat get over the fact that he kept using me as a rebound crush whenever he wasn’t dating someone else. He knew that I liked him but never did anything about it. No kisses, no sweet words. The most intimate we got was a cuddle or when he touched my thighs when he was drunk at a party. I ate it all up, I was desperate for his attention.
He then proceeded to ghost me in fall of 2020 when he got his current gf. I blocked him everywhere after letting him know what an asshole he is for using me and playing with me like that.
Well, and when my bff was 16 she met this amazing guy and now they’ve been together for almost 3 years and there’s absolutely no doubt they’ll get married. He’s the type who’d only ever leave her if she ended up cheating, which she would never do. She loves him a lot. Their relationship is absolutely perfect and it makes me so fucking jealous that everything worked out for her the way we always imagined. Don’t get me wrong, I always fully support her and their relationship and I respect it just as much. I would never want them to break up but it still makes me really sad.
It actually has always been like this. My best friend comes from a very similar background as me but in life everything just goes right for her.
Her parents got a house that my parents always dreamed of, she got the perfect boyfriend, a non toxic family and all the little details in her life are going right.
My life always seems to be so much more complicated? We applied for the same scholarship, she got the max amount no questions asked. The process was a thousand times more complicated for me for some unknown reason.
I love her with all my heart but it’s so frustrating to see her win in life while I struggle. It’s like she’s riding on a horse and I have to run beside her to keep up. It’s exhausting. And since everything always goes so smoothly for her, I’m scared that my future relationship will be the complete opposite of hers.
I think so because everything is like that usually and because next to her, I’m the unattractive friend. Mainly because I’m heavier than her. She’s a cute 58kg girl and I’m an 80kg monster it seems. I know it’s just my insecure demons talking but I am somehow absolutely convinced that that is how people view me and it’s the reason no one ever asks me out.
I tried losing weight, I tried smiling more and being more laid back. Being more extroverted or getting out there, ignoring my demons but nothing seems to work and the fact that my best friend is somehow inevitably bound to have a better life than me…is not helping.
Now I’m scared that on top of having commitment issues because of the way my not emotionally intelligent parents raised me I am somehow bound to have a bad relationship just because hers turned out to be good.
Please if you decide to comment, be nice. I tend to get very evil replies and it’s usually not very helpful.
2 comments
I don’t mean this in any rude way but lemme summarize exactly what you just said – you have commitment issues, you’re seemingly jealous of everything your best friend does and constantly compare yourself to her, and you’re potentially overweight? You gotta work on yourself and these insecurities of yours before you begin to look for a relationship – if you got into one right now odds are it would be painful and it wouldn’t be fair to anybody involved in the relationship. I would try casual therapy if that’s an option – getting into shape would also help. Best of luck bro
This is one of the first lessons taught to us as kids – DO NOT COMPARE.
there will always be someone who has it better than you. Who looks better, who has more money, more brains, better opportunities, better looking partner etc.
Do not spend another moment stewing in this bitterness you have concocted regarding your friend. Work on yourself and your life.
As for a relationship, you’re so damn young you will absolutely find the right person someday. Enjoy your single life till then.