My BF’s Nigerian mom is a very problematic character and in my opinion could totally be a toxic mom.
She’s done everything from damage his PlayStation (That I bought him) because she’s doesn’t like him playing games.
To saying they would split the cost of a 3000 dollar couch then putting it all on him.
She’s vocalized to us that she’s disappointed in him and his make of merits at 28. He has job as engineer and makes 86,000. Works hard and God for Bid plays video games a couple hours a day 5 days ish a week.
For reference we live in his family appt (I do have my own place that I stay at when she’s there because well, conservative Nigerian mom) she visits for months at a time from Nigeria. Needless to say I’m ready for us to get our own place but he doesn’t think it’s financially worth it (that’s a whole other post)
This is only the red flags I’ve seen from one member of his family and I’m beginning to worry the amazing guy I wanted to get engaged to has a family with too much toxicity/baggage and disrespect of him and his money.
I don’t want to shell out to my in laws all my life especially as I start my own family and I don’t want anyone treating me the way she treats her son.
Basically I need advice he’s says he’s going to talk to his mom when she returns to town next week.
But wth do I do about this, I’ve literally already thought about getting a couples counselor mostly for him so he can get a slowdown on these issues from someone other than me.
I’m at a loss, and so over his demanding, appearance focused mother.
1 comment
This would be a “You put up strict boundaries or Im out” situation.
Theres no way to salvage this unless he gets strict with her. And hes not going to in all likelihood. Id save your sanity and find someone who has a more supportive family or who has stronger boundaries in place.
He doesnt want a place of your own because he knows Mommy wont like it. Its got nothing to do with money.
Trust me. Im in a similar situation with a future MIL who doesnt even acknowledge my presence. My partner has gotten really good about boundaries now but thats after years of me fussing at him and then basically ending things because of his lack of strength against his mother. Hes finally doing it but hes had to unlearn so much toxicity and work through so much emotional manipulation.