Too many times I see on tv these tearful, argument based breakups. Yeah they’re sad, but from what it sounds like it’s not actually like that. I decided today after my girlfriend (F20) telling me (F19) some things that I knew are a dealbreaker. We’re 8 months in and she’s already wanting marriage, kids, etc to be talked about. This is my first relationship. I still view myself as a kid basically! I love her, I do, but I just know I can’t live with her for the rest of my life. It would be terrible.
I need to break up with her, but we’re college roommates. So first I’m moving out (obviously), but then I’ll have to break up. How do I do it in a way that makes sure she doesn’t get hurt? She’s very emotional and being autistic I can come across as very blunt which is an asset and a weakness tbh. I just need help on how to do it so we can still be acquaintances, because we’re in the same sorority too.
Any advice helps. Where to break up, how to, etc etc. Thanks.
1 comment
Unfortunately, you can’t predict how she’s going to react, so she may try to argue or fight with you. Make sure you do it somewhere private to allow her to get her emotions out, but maybe have a friend on standby to come over if things get bad.
I would begin simply by saying you want to break up, and explaining exactly why, including those deal breakers you mentioned. There’s a difficult balance to strike between telling her kindly and not dragging it out, and unfortunately you kinda have to work that out as you go.
She may try to talk you out of breaking up with her, so make absolutely damn sure breaking up is what you want to do, and don’t compromise if she claims she’ll change to suit you. At the end of the day, relationships are a two way street, and she will need to accept that it cannot work if you are not invested – it just might take time for her to come to terms with that.
Ultimately, expect tears, pleading, and a heck of a lot of sadness. There’s no guarantee you’ll still be on good terms afterwards, but try your best to convey the fact that while your needs in a romantic relationship don’t align, there’s no reason you can’t remain on good terms, even if not as friends. It’s a very difficult thing for both of you to go through, but in time you’ll both come to terms with the fact that it’s for the best. Good luck.