I’m \[31M\] dating a woman \[29F\] who is a virgin. She has been reticent to talk about sex, and has little experience with foreplay. So far, she’s given me a handjob and I’ve fingered her to climax. She has never given nor received oral sex, and has said she is disgusted at the thought of BJ. She has also said that she’s never owned a dildo or vibrator, and doesn’t masturbate often.
If you’re a woman whose first time was closer to age 30 and you’re now in a committed relationship (or even if you’re single now, but have had meaningful relationships), what would you tell your partner, looking back?
4 comments
Is she asexual, sex repulsed or both because she sounds like she might be.
Sadly, a lot of people who are one or both of these things may not even know these are things, or feel internalized shame at being either of these things and are in denial. A surprisingly large amount of the population, especially women, fall into one or both of these categories.
I’m 26F and recently had sex for the first time. It’s not that I didn’t want to have sex but I was never interested in hookup culture and had never gone on more than a couple dates with someone. I was seeing a guy and we had our first kiss and he fingered me, went down on me, and we had sex in the same night (I wasn’t expecting to be ready to have sex so quickly but I felt really comfortable with him). I actually never told him that I’d never had sex. The only thing I wasn’t comfortable with at first was giving him a blow job – I didn’t do that until the 4th or 5th time we had sex and I did tell him it was something I hadn’t done before. All that to say is it sounds like she might be just not interested in sex which is very different from feeling a little nervous like I initially did.
I was a 30yo first timer… (F31 now) things I would tell my partner…. hmmmm, I’m not sure what you mean. Are you looking for advice for how to navigate having sex with an older virgin in general?
I would say, as the person with experience, guide the encounter. Be pretty, almost annoyingly, vocal. Like okay, I’m going to do this now, do you like that, are you okay with this? Give them lots of positive feedback and tell them what you like. Aside from that, it will be a little awkward, but it’s only going to get better as your partner becomes more comfortable.
I actually didn’t tell my partner he was my first for about 6 months. We are FWBs, so not that weird I guess. But, I really just needed help getting things started because I really didn’t know what to do, as dumb as it sounds. First time was a great experience for me. Didn’t cum, but came very close and do regularly now.
Also, just have fun. People make sex seem so serious. Keep it light. Acknowledge this is probably the worst sex you will ever have and just take all the pressure off. Also, sex is messy and weird, so if she’s gonna be weird about that, maybe she’s actually not ready to have sex yet.
Talk to her . Is this about religion? Cultural repression? Does she want to have sex? If you don’t get an enthusiastic response just end it. Life is too short.