Some friends of my friends are undeniably bigoted (homophobia, holocaust denial. I know from social media and other friends). I might bump into one of them when they’re around my friend. I try and be civil and not cause a scene for the sake of my friend, but really I don’t want to associate with those types of people in any capacity.
Should I act rightfully dismissive towards them or is that petty? Or should I avoid upsetting my friend by acting pleasant?
Edit: this was prompted by talking to a friend of a friend, who had bullied another friend of mine for suspecting he was gay.
29 comments
Its a bit petty, but I would ask myself do I want to be friends with someone who is okay with there friend being a bigot?
Act how you would want to be treated. Why make an enemy for life when there is no need. People change in time or don’t – but you’re better off not being around someone if you can’t act with respect towards them.
You can give basic respect to people who might not return it to you. They’re still human beings.
I wouldn’t extend them the additional respect of being willing to discuss sensitive topics, ask them for advice, etc.
Just avoid them why waste your energy
It’s always okay to be rude to bigots.
How others treat people is on them. How you treat them is on you. Do you want to be a person who reflects others or one who shows them a different way to be??
The standard that you walk past is the standard that you accept.
Personally I’d be spending less time seeking out the mutual friend, they can leave the other friends behind if they want my company.
I would just also mention to your friend to give you a heads up if they’ll be around and make it clear you don’t want to associate with them. I think that’s extremely fair and keeps your interactions with your friend enjoyable. If they get offended or weird, your comfort and enjoyment is obviously not a concern of theirs.
Who people associate and call friends is what they are okay with. So if your friend is cool with their friend being a homophobe I would dump them both
Be civil, avoid them.
Probably don’t associate with people who hang around that type, that sounds like a red flag to me
I don’t get why their own personal opinion should determine how you treat them; I’m pretty sure everyone has their own hot take (including yourself) that others would find offensive.
It’s already been mentioned, but don’t waste your energy. Just be respectful as u can and ignore them if they say anything bigoted or obscene.
You don’t have to be friends. But be kind. Its never okay to cross that line and disrespect someone and become the type of person that you detest.
Absolutely no. It won’t help anything and just make things worse. Discussion and debate is key. Being nice and having good arguments is always more helpful.
Making a scene out of it will more than likely end up with strengthening their bigotry. Either exist with them, ignore them, or cut them off completely.
Can’t like every body. Nor are we obligated to.
The question you should be asking: is if you have any respect for yourself and what you believe in.
If you do…the answer should be quite obvious.
Personally; if you don’t want to waste the energy, as already stated, just stay away from them (straight out tell your friend you do not want to hang out with select people from the group are around….I didn’t like it when this shitt went down’…yah people don’t really always talk out their feelings, but if your gonna want to stay away, you have to address the problem to that particular friend), maybe even just stay low key when you friend wants to chill around those people (per say)
Otherwise, suggestively be… What I say, “respectively observant”…where in which; you say what you need to say, as it’s needed, but be respectable (maybe even Witty) about your response.
Yah, you want to respect your friend, but is your friend really someone you want to be around if they can’t respect you standing up for your values or personal beliefs or even standing up for someone else that you know potentially can’t/wont?
I can understand almost every opinion and everybody has a right to that BUT DAMN holocaust denial???? That’s just code for plain stupid. I’d laugh them out in their face
Having homophobic and holocaust denying pieces of shit for friends also says a ton of things about you, my man.
Anything is a bigot nowdays
I generally just calmly ask someone not to use certain spurs etc around me. Can often be a chance to invoke change or educate a person. If they’re absolute scum then just avoid at all costs
Some of my coworkers are dismissive toward me for the opposite reason. I don’t reciprocate but I definitely try to keep my distance, also they go around trying to spread their hate so I try to get in there to steer the conversation and make them look like the jabronis they are.
Stop calling them bigots and other -ist names. If you are looking at them condescendingly because of their believes, why can’t they do the same? They might feel the same way about you and think of you as well, no need to put names here. Obviously you can’t be friends with them. Be civil and don’t argue about your values. Avoid if possible
Respect everyone. Bigots have a weak ego. They need to put others down to enhance their own ego. It’s very selfish
“Can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding”
Maybe you have rose colored eyes to your friend. You are who you hang with.
Depends a little on how nuts they are, whether whatever degree of behavior you choose would blow back in your face.
A usual baseline is you treat them with a little chill, and if you’re around them you try to leave asap. Engage as little as possible yet be minimally civil.
If you believe inside them there’s a decent person waiting to climb out, then it’s actually worth being more hard on them. But if they seem more likely to be a dangerous person, then the less you have to do with them, and the less they remember you, the better.