I’ll try and make this as short as possible. Tl:DR at the bottom.
My(34) brother(36, let’s call him P) and I grew up in a crazy household with my schizophrenic mother. He is my only full blooded brother. But my mother had 3 children previous to marrying my father. Mother tried to kill my father when we were in elementary school, so my dad sent me and my brother P to another state to live with my grandma. My half siblings stayed with my mother and we didn’t see or talk to them until I turned 18. For whatever reason, my brother P went no contact 15 years ago, when I was 18 or 19. He got in contact with us again last year.
This year, my dad published a religious book. In the book. He talks about our youth and says how my eldest half-brother had molested P when he was a small toddler/baby. My brother P has got into contact with eldest half brother, too, and have been talking.
Now, my dad NEVER talked to us about the trauma. About the divorce. About him getting shot. I get it (kind of) he had ptsd, too, im sure. Because of this im almost certain my dad never told him. Now im wondering if I should tell him? Maybe he remembers? Maybe he doesn’t? We don’t know each other anymore after going NC for so long. I dont want to dredge up old wounds, if he does remeber. And if he doesn’t know it happened, and is still talking to half brother, I feel like half brother would def not tell him. But, i also feel like it would make him mad and he would rather not know after all this time. What do I do???
Tl:DR
Do I tell my brother that he was molested as a baby by my oldest half siblings after 15 years of no contact with my brother?
3 comments
Just… ask him to also read the book, if it’s something you feel has to be addressed, but how old was the half-brother when he messed with P?
If the household is chaotic to that extreme it’s not unusual that young kids will … do things like this, unfortunatley. But if he was an older child, or teenager then that enters a lot of gray area…
Damned if you do and if you don’t.
I would find a way to bring it up and this is coming from someone that experienced SA as a young child. What happened to me was swept under the rug and I wasn’t put in therapy or even really talked to about it. I ended up blocking out all of the memories/living in denial of it until they came flooding back in my late 30’s.
It’s not going to be easy to bring this up and he may direct his anger at you. But as someone that lived in denial most of my life, I feel like I’ve been stripped of my true identity and that’s not something I would ever wish on someone else.