Love hits you at the most unexpected times and is the biggest eye opener to your mistakes and fears.
I left it to late to acknowledge what i was doing had destroyed our relationship.
I don’t even know where to start to be honest, the same out things we went through together in such a short time, it was almost like a full blown marriage meltdown, abortions, sexual infections, cheating and we managed to get through it together, but lack of communication destroys us.
I sit back and ponder the countless arguments we had before it was unsolvable, how a lot of them i was coming from a place of insecurity, fear and trauma.
She wasn’t was i wanted but was who i needed.
I hate myself, i was there physically for the abortion, clinics but i wasn’t there mentally, I was so fixated on making sure i was enough that i stopped giving her enough, i was too busy being paranoid that she was cheating on me to realise what my actions were doing, the more i tried to control the narrative the more chaotic the story got
We ended on such horrible terms and now we are in NC, I failed at proving myself as a father and as a boyfriend and i don’t know what to do. I can’t message her again, I need to mature but i’m scared i’ll have to live with this for the rest of my life.
I don’t know if i can do that, I’ve lost
1 comment
You haven’t lost. In working through suffering there IS growth.