Me (24M) and partner (28F) had some kinky sex the other night. We experimented with strap on and I was giving oral to her and then popped strap on in my mouth for like 20 seconds to try to play the sub role; didn’t do much for me and we went on to more traditional sex. This AM shes texted me: “I’m curious about one thing though. Now that I’m more awake, I can process everything about last night with a clear mind. What made you want to suck and stroke my strap on 🧐”. The message for some reason put me in a defensive mindset as I didn’t think much of it and figured it was a playground so to speak. It’s making me regret experimenting being the sub as I now feel questioned about something we wanted to try collectively I thought. Hmmm.
5 comments
Don’t ask reddit, talk to her! Communication is always key!
Talk to her about what you felt in that moment and what you fell now and what she feels! And do it in person not via text message.
I got some perspective:
I didn’t ever see myself as a sub. If anything I’m a secret dom that will play sub to get by. It seems like you were getting into the role, although if it just came out of your ass, I’d be a tiny bit concerned even though it’s probably safe as long as it’s your own bacteria. One thing I avoided all the time was ass to mouth (unless under very specific conditions where I could verify cleanliness, like tossing a salad in a shower).
You can simply say that or that you were going through the motions or you can tell her it was hot (doesn’t have to be completely honest) so you went with it. Don’t get defensive, own your actions.
Might want to talk to her about it. She may have some homophobic tendencies, or her anxiety is worrying that you might be bisexual so her anxiety can get worked up about everyone you interact with.
Just so you know, you randomly sucking on a strap on is not experimenting with being submissive. Submission requires someone wanting something from you and you doing it for them. Submission is a service, not an action you choose to take regardless of whether that action would be something someone else wants.
What you experimented with was “being kinky”.
Sex like this that is non-traditional requires a high level of communication from both parties before the act, during it and afterwards. If you are uncomfortable with this I suggest sticking to traditional sex. She isn’t being shitty she is just curious and wants to talk about it.
Being the sub does not automatically mean sucking the dildo. Some men have an oral fetish and it totally turns them on to suck the dildo, but they aren’t submissive at all.
If you want to explore submission, it’s best to talk with your partner about it instead of springing something on them that they may or may not consider submissive, may or may not be into, and may or may not be triggered by. Submission and dominance mean many different thing to different people. Best to get on the same exploration page through communication for the smoothest experience.
I think one reason many women are concerned out a little about sucking the dildo is because, *in their mind* – that may indicate your orientation is at least bi-curious.