When someone says something subtly rude to me, I’m UNABLE to emotionally process it fast enough to give a response and draw a boundary that I don’t like it and don’t want to be spoken to in that way; it leaves me feeling like a pushover once I process it. How do I fix this?

4 comments

1. Ask them to repeat it by saying ‘sorry’ or ‘excuse me’. It’s a subtle way to call out an insult and let them know you know what they’re doing. When they have to repeat it back they’ll often try to minimise it by changing the wording or their tone. At least that’s what I’ve found

2. Say,” I’m sorry I didn’t hear you, what did you say?” In the most sincere way you can. When a person is saying something mean or cruel they’re doing it for power or control. Try not to give a reaction to what they said. Making them repeat it takes away their power. Another good go to phrase, “I can’t believe you actually said that.”

3. Immeditatly people will give you specific words or lines to say. But its the equivalent to watching a “how to defend yourself” video then in a street fight you get dropped.

   If you think of a specific line to say, you aren’t in the social flow. Therefor when you say it, it doesn’t come off right. Like when a guy says a pick up line. Hes been told/influenced to say that and it sounds forced.

   If you’re really good socially you don’t even have to think. Which is what we will do. Firstly never been in a rush to quickly retaliate. Just take a deep breath and its as simple as calling them out respectfully. Tell your brain to call them out, and then it’ll give you the words necessary. Don’t think for the words, thats not your job.

   Its like telling your brain to walk up to that person and say hi. You’ve given it a task and you might walk up and say “Hey excuse me whats your name?” You didn’t think to say this sentence WORD for word. But it was your intention, to say hi and your brain gave you the necessary words. Now nonetheless it’ll still be tough, which is why we’re on a social skills page because in order to grow a skill you need to level it up through experience so it can then be easy.

4. Literally me all the fucking time.