I (24M) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for almost 5 years. We’ve lived together for over three years and are best friends. Over the past year and a half I have not been feeling very happy I mount relationship and despite attempts by both of us my feelings have not changed (I have another post about this detailing exact events and problems going on in our relationship). Over the past few months I have had the reoccurring thought in my head that we may not be the right people to spend the rest of our lives together for each other. We’re both extremely comfortable in where we live and our life together but there’s nothing more than that. It’s just comfort. I truly do love her with all my heart, but I just don’t see a future where we stay happily together/married. It’s a struggle everyday because I love her so much but I don’t if there are any other options.
TL;DR – Me and my girlfriend are very comfortable together but there’s not much more to our relationship.
5 comments
If you have tried to re-ignite the spark but cannot and only feel like best friends, then I see no need to keep being romantically together. You were together very young and it’s not uncommon to grow apart in your early/mid twenties.
If you weren’t living together, would you end it?
If you already had a post about this what are you hoping to get out of this one?
>I have had the reoccurring thought in my head that we may not be the right people to spend the rest of our lives together for each other.
This is entirely reasonable, and quite likely.
Think about it: you’re both very young, and met when you were limited in the people that you met. It’s great that you stayed together all this time, but you’ve both matured (well, at least “got older”…) and your priorities, needs and desires might have changed along the way.
So it’s no surprise that what appealed to you five years ago probably doesn’t any more.
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>It’s a struggle everyday because I love her so much but I don’t if there are any other options.
You know what’s funny?
This is *exactly* what you’ll want ten years from now: a nice, predictable, comfortable loving relationship with a woman you can love and spend time with.
What’s missing is the wild chaos and unpredictability which comes with hopping frantically from relationship to relationship, looking for what you already have.
You can try this:
* Split up, but keep in touch.
* Go your separate ways, but agree that after a certain period of time (say, five years) if you both are not in relationships you’ll explore getting back together.
* Sow your wild oats (the repressed need to do this is probably what’s making you antsy). She gets to do this, too, if she’s inclined. This is your chance for both of you to indulge your “new and improved” priorities and preferences where the opposite sex is concerned.
There is a quote from the 1970s:
“If you love something, set it free. If it returns to you, it was, and always will be yours.”
(Some time later, a witty person added: “And if it *doesn’t*, hunt it down and kill it!” But you don’t have to do *that* part.)
So there’s a viable option for you going forward.
Best of luck to you and your girl!
Sounds like you love her as a friend but aren’t in-love with her anymore. When you lose that it’s hard for a lot of couples to get it back. Taking a break from each other and time apart to work on yourself is a good idea, but you use that time to work on YOU, or you break up and date other people. Whatever you choose to do is ok, just explain it to her and don’t drag anything out. Good luck