I’m in my first ever relationship with someone, a woman well older than me, and I’m just so not sure how to handle all of the confusing feelings and emotions. Like I keep wishing I’d have met her so much earlier and struggle to try and I don’t know if I can ever talk enough that she understands what life was like for me growing up before I met her or anything. Like I guess you could say the same about her but I feel like I understand her.
I’m also admittedly still a virgin at my age and that’s kind of…Idk. When I was younger I thought it’d be romantic, something some woman would enjoy sharing but now Idk, I think about how much sex she’s had with guys in her past, sharing that kind of connection and Idk how we’d ever share anything special like that or how she’d not think less of me or be less attracted to me. I wonder what she wants or sees in me. Constantly fear she thinks I’m just a weird loser who wasted his youth and is no longer in his prime.
You also ever encounter situations where like you pined after someone for a long time or you had a crush on them and they knew it but they didn’t really return the feelings til after their relationship ended and you’d already changed your life for the better and it became convenient for them? Idk, sometimes it feels like I’m Captain America or Superman where Peggy Carter or Lois Lane doesn’t notice him as his scrawny unnoticeable persona of Steve Rogers or Clark Kent until after he becomes Captain America or Superman and THEN she loves him.
I say all that but I do love her. I’ve never felt this connected to someone before and she supposedly feels the same.
tl;dr Late bloomer dating someone with much more relationship experience than me and pretty nervous and anxious.
7 comments
“I think about how much sex she’s had with guys in her past” – this is a very unhealthy thing to do
“Idk how we’d ever share anything special like that” – people generally do not compare their partners with their past ones, its about building a connection with their current partner
“I wonder what she wants or sees in me” – This is where adult words work well, have open and honest conversations
” I’ve never felt this connected to someone before and she supposedly feels the same” – if that is what she says, why would you not believe it.
I understand the anxiety, but every new relationship is a reboot, not a measure of the past. Sure, we learn about ourselves, our likes/dislikes, wants, desires, from our past, but a new relationship is the beginning of building something new and different.
So at what point do you realise you are self sabotaging?
Enjoy the moment dude. This woman wants you and wants to be with you whoever you are right now. What good is obsessing over all these things unless to destroy it because you don’t believe you deserve them. Relax, enjoy the moment, go to therapy.
Guys get too hung up on the mechanics of sex. Hopefully, you have told her you are a virgin. She will help guide you.
The least attractive trait is someone who is insecure – I’d recommend faking it until you make it approach. Don’t get hung up on what you see as your weaknesses. They are usually trivial and blown out of proportion.
You haven’t mentioned anything about this lady that would be something to be concerned about. You have to start somewhere, and it sounds you you have a connection to build on. That’s all any of us have at the beginning of a relationship, and sometimes less.
There is a reason so many songs are about love and broken hearts.
It’s not always easy to give your trust to someone, but that is what it takes to have a solid relationship. If you can’t do it then your relationship is probably doomed from the start.
1st, you’re 26- you’re very much still in your prime!
Your virginity will be very special because sex is special.
I don’t know how old she is or who long you pined for her but it may have just taken her time to
A) believe a much younger dude wanted her in a serious relationship way
B) if years, for you to be older! I wouldn’t want to be older and date a 24-yr-old man in a serious way. I mean, no offense, but would you want to be 34-36 and date a 24-year old woman? It’s normally an unfair power dynamic.
She is with you now so if you spend your time fixated on her previous sexual partners then you are just wasting the opportunity you have in front of you.
Sounds like you need to confront your own feelings of sexual insecurity, this has nothing to do with her or her previous partners. Those feelings will haunt you through every relationship you have until you confront them.