Posting this on my throwaway just because of how personal it is. For some background, I (19, FtM trans) had sex with my girlfriend (21, MtF trans) for the first time a few weeks ago. There was no penetration, she just touched me and used her mouth a little. It was enjoyable, but also increasingly painful until it eventually got too painful to continue and I asked her to stop. I’m not really sure how to describe the pain, but I didn’t orgasm (I never have and honestly don’t know if I’m capable) and afterwards through the next day I had really intense cramping. I’ve been assaulted multiple times throughout my life starting before the age of 10, and my girlfriend thinks this caused me to have some sort of trauma reaction that manifested as physical pain. She also thinks I was cramping and in pain because I didn’t finish. I’m honestly not sure what to make of it, but that (combined with my kind of nonexistent libido) made me not want to try again for a while after.
We talked last night and agreed that we do want to have sex again, because I really enjoyed the intimacy and it did feel good up until it didn’t. I’m really excited to have sex with her again, but I’m also afraid of the pain and want to figure out at least some strategies to prevent it from persisting afterwards. I’ve tried doing some research but honestly haven’t found much that speaks to my experience. I’m hoping maybe someone out there has gone through similar pain and can offer some advice or insight.